Crazy Sunshine
by lncesticide
Summary: After changing schools, Rin finds himself falling hard for an enigmatic teenager. All the while, life spirals into chaos and normalcy becomes a thing of the past. Contains ideologically sensitive material. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **_Crazy Sunshine_ is a nonprofit project. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

**Recommended Listening:** anything by Nujabes.

**Ao no Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato.**

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><p><strong><em>Crazy Sunshine<em>  
><strong>

Chapter 1

At the start of this all, I had hoped for something or someone to come along and break the mundane cycle I had found myself in. Getting up, going to school, working a shitty minimum wage job, sleeping in on the weekends, never going out with friends-I didn't even have any. When my life started to change, it excited me and despite the instability, I wanted more. I find that humans are like that. We're never really satisfied. If we make 500 hundred dollars, then we want hundreds more. The more I desired, the worse things seemed to get. The direction my life had taken was something I could never even imagine. I began to experience insomnia from over-analyzing my situation and I realized soon enough that everything could be traced back to _him_. **He** **was killing me**. It was like having a parasitic twin, starved of nutrients. I gave him what he needed like an infant relying on its mother. And the more I gave, the worse my life had become. I was scared of what would happen if I severed our ties-he had a hold over a vital organ, and separating us was unthinkable. I knew he didn't mean for it to be that way, it was just the luck of the draw-and goddamn was I unlucky.

"Rin."

I didn't hear the teacher the first time because of the blood pounding in my head. Like when it gets really quiet and all you can hear is 'thud, thud, thud'. I hated that because it made it hard to imagine being somewhere else.

"Rin!"

"Y-yes! Here!" I stammered, jumping to my feet.

_"Y-yes! Here!_" mimicked the moron behind me. They called him Bon.

The entire room roared in laughter and my face became hot. I eased back into my seat, forcing a smile. It was like that for the rest of the day—that same kid, who didn't really look like a kid, trying to get a laugh out of everything I did. It really pissed me off when I found out he wasn't just a wise ass, he was actually really smart.

Later in the period the teacher called on me when I clearly didn't know the answer, and the jerk off from earlier threw his hands up in distress, "Teacher call on me! It's me, I know the answer! I do! Call me teacher! Why don't you call on me? It goes so much faster when you call on the smart kids; you only call on the dumb kids. It takes forever to learn anything—please call on meeeeee!"

Okay, so he was smart, not afraid to go for what he wanted, and he was an okay looking bastard, but what was it about him that people found so funny, and so fascinating, if they were fascinated at all?

When the lunch bell sounded, I bought a burger from the cafeteria and booked it once I learned Bon and his gang of bitches were looking for me. The room I came crashing into was dusty, small, and occupied by a guy with brown hair, glasses, and what appeared to be a massive stick up his ass.

"Sorry about barging in and all, but this douche bag won't let me eat my lunch." I said, panting. I had wind, but ever since I started smoking, I'd been losing it.

There was a table in the center, flanked by two large bookshelves; though there weren't that many books and most of them looked untouched. I looked about some more, then took a seat across from the guy who hadn't spoke since I arrived.

I started unwrapping my burger, but half way through, I opted for a cigarette.

The brunet snapped the book he had been reading shut and casually gestured me to hand the cigarette over to him, "no smoking."

"Oh, my bad."

I handed it over thinking it nice of him to extinguish it for me, but unexpectedly, he put it out on my hamburger and snapped the goddamn thing in half.

"You're not allowed to smoke anywhere within a mile of campus. I don't care about the rules, but I like my air clean and my books safe."

"What the hell was that for? Cigarettes aren't fucking cheap and lunches aren't either. What am I suppose to do now? The bell's going to ring before I get back to the cafeteria."

"Should have thought of that before hand."

He seemed harmless at first, but this guy hit a nerve before we even had a chance to exchange names. I had no where else to go though, so I kept my mouth shut and sat quietly.

Finally after some minutes I spoke, "I normally don't smoke; it's just something I recently picked up this year," I said, not really expecting a response.

Without lifting his gaze from his book, he replied: "it doesn't suit you anyway."

I gave him a weird look; what the hell does that mean?

Soon after the ten minute bell sounded I called out after him before he left, "you haven't read a single word in that book since I got here, have you? At first I thought you were just fidgeting, but you were actually counting down the seconds with your finger. You look like you give a damn about school but I bet you couldn't care less."

He said nothing and went his way. If I hadn't been behind him, I'm guessing he would've grinned at that.

Later that day, I showed up in the same place looking to join a club. I really didn't want trouble after school and I didn't feel like returning to an empty home just yet, so I came to the only place where I could relax and read manga.

"Oh, hey. Are you here for the Book Club too?" I said upon seeing the same guy from before. I still didn't know his name, but I wasn't eager to learn it or anything.

"If you mean the Literature Club, then yes," he said.

"Yeah, whatever. So, is it just you then?"

"For now, unless you join. And I think there will be another person; a girl from our grade. Assuming you're also a senior."

I took a seat across from him once again and pulled out my phone to text someone-anyone. Scrolling through my contacts I realized not a single person on the list would want to talk to me. So I looked over to the guy and opened my mouth to speak, but I stopped myself when I realized he probably didn't want to talk to me either. I sighed and sunk into my seat; man, am I a loser.

"What you said about me earlier today surprised me," he said.

"What, the thing about you not reading?" I replied, straightening up in my seat.

"Yeah," he said checking his watch. "I don't think that girl is coming since it's a quarter til' four, so you wanna grab something to eat? I'll make up for the burger."

I stared at him, looking real confused. "Uh, sure."

We took a train down to the shopping district and stopped by the fanciest burger place I could think of.

"Alright, order anything you want," he said once we were standing before the cashier.

"_Anything?_" I asked with a peculiar glint in my eye.

"Anything. Hurry up."

"You got it, bud. Okay, I'll have a Super Mac with large Fries, a Double Quarter Pound with extra Cheese, a Big and Super Tasty, Twelve Piece Chicken Nuggets, and one large Soda with refills. Oh and loads of hot sauce and ketchup, please." As soon as I finished, I sprinted over to an empty booth with a big, goofy grin on my face.

When the order was ready, my browned haired friend brought forth two trays of greasy goodness. "You better eat it all. Fast food these days cost an arm and a leg," he said curtly.

I began shoveling the food in like a swine and he watched me all fascinated yet disturbed like he'd been watching giraffe sex.

"You sure do put it away; you'll get fat if you keep eating like that," he said more out of obligation than concern.

I took my last bite of my second hamburger and a large swig of soda to clear the palate, "I'm not a woman. Why the hell would I care about something like that?"

"_Well you're obviously not human either_," he said as he pushed up his glasses.

I laughed at this, "how the fuck would you know?"

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, a woman stopped at our table. A real strange broad because of her hair and the way she carried herself, but I'd still peg her nonetheless.

"Hey Potter, who's the kid?" asked the woman picking at my fries. What a rude cunt.

And just as I took the first bite of my third hamburger, the guy she called Potter grabbed me by the face and laid down a big ol' kiss right on the pecker. The bastard pulled me so hard that he almost knocked over my soda. Rather than slugging him, beef and bun fell out of my mouth and onto the tray. What the fuck just happened?

"Good for you, Yukio. It seems you might just get laid after all! Who better to loosen that tight ass of yours than a male companion?"

The dude she now called Yukio drew in a breath and sighed, "nice seeing you too, Shura. Here's some fries to store in your snatch; try not to get laid on your way out of the parking lot."

The lady made a fist, then hooked her index finger over her thumb and walked away.

When she was finally out of sight, I turned to Yukio, "what the fuck, man? What you do in your personal life is your business, but don't go fucking touching me. I don't mess around with guys."

"I had no choice. That one is really thirsty, if you know what I mean. "

"I don't care."

"You'll think otherwise once you hear my offer," he digressed. This bitch didn't listen to a word I said. "Pose as my lover and I'll compensate you generously."

I nearly choked at that. "Hell no! I don't care how much money you pay, I won't-"

"We can either go by the hour or provide a quote in advance and I'll pay half before and half later," he replied nonchalantly.

"NO!"

"I'm willing to pay triple what you're making."

"Go die!" I exclaimed.

"Look, I'm a grass eater. An herbivore man, so don't entertain men or women unless it benefits me. However, I have serious business prospects that I'm considering and I need to concentrate as much as I can on my work. If spending a little time with an acquaintance saves me from having to spend countless mind-numbing hours on blind dates with money hungry parasites, then it's well worth spending a little extra cash.

"And tell people I take it up the ass? Go fuck yourself!" I shouted.

"Lower your voice, people are staring. It's not like you have some sort of reputation to uphold. You'll earn more than you make in a year flipping burgers, you'll also learn how to defend yourself, and girls might come to you—for fashion advice of course."

At that point, I was so angry that I shoved the rest of my burger in his snooty face, "fucking rich kids with too much time and money on their hands; why don't you go home and fuck your parents some more?"

He suddenly came at me from across the table and I threw my soda which did little to stop him.

I slid out from the booth and into the aisle; sprinting a ways down, I quickly turned on my feet with my right fist retracted. And just as I took the first swing, it barely nicked his jaw. He hadn't been following too closely: smart bastard. Unfazed, he darted over and tackled me, and for a real nerdy looking guy, he was strong and had wind.

Eventually, we were on the floor choking each other out until security had to pull us apart.

We ended up at a local police station because someone had phoned the cops. Yukio was released immediately after being identified and I was a sitting duck. Now that I've screwed up, pretending to be gay with Mr. Tight Ass seemed a far better deal than getting turned out by a gang of depraved thugs.

"Are you going to call someone?" he asked.

"Don't tell me you have a hard on for me."

"I'm just trying to help."

"I don't need your help. I wouldn't be here in the first place if you hadn't provoked me with your gay shit."

He went silent and watched me for some time, "you don't have anyone to call, do you?"

I didn't respond.

"My Name is Yukio, and I-"

"Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe-just maybe, I don't give a shit?"

He paused, quietly regaining his composure, "I won't press charges, but only on the condition that you accept my offer."

"So you're black mailing me?"

"No, I'm giving you an option."

"Horse shit," I spat. "Fine then, take me home and I'll assume the position."

"Don't make bargains your butt can't handle."

He laughed and I refused to get hot in the face again. But I swear, that was the first time I ever saw the prick smile. I guess he had a sense of humor after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Ao no Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato.

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><p><strong>Crazy Sunshine<br>**

Chapter 2

I'm an impulsive liar, really. Not a terrific one or anything, it's just something I do when I feel bored or compelled to do it. Like, the following day after being arrested and bailed out because of a certain individual, I came into the Lit. Room expecting just the same old asshole from before, but instead I walked right into a real messy plight. Yukio wasn't sitting in his chair and an angry broad with the weirdest eyebrows I'd ever seen was damn near screaming at him.

"Are you aware of the repercussions for bringing lewd material to school? I could get removed from my position as an ASB officer because of this stupid club!" exclaimed the purple haired one.

"I'm aware of that, but how can I take responsibility for something I didn't do?" asked Yukio.

"Then who did it? As far as I know, you are the only one in this club!" At that moment, I just knew I had to say something; so I did.

"I did it—I brought that book," I said, not knowing what in the hell I was getting into.

Eyebrows, as I now called her, snapped her head in my direction looking far more annoyed, "_you_ brought this material?" she asked, tossing the book she was holding over to me.

I gave the cover a once over and nearly dropped the damn thing, "y-yeah, this . . . gay manga belongs to me," I said awfully flat.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she demanded, getting red in the face. "I could have you suspended for this!" I looked at her sheepishly not knowing what else to say, so I let her continue.

"But since this is a first time offense, I'll have to let you off with a warning for now," she then took off in a huff. As for Yukio, he turned to me with an amused expression. He started approaching all slow, like he seem to do a lot, with a peculiar look in his eyes.

"So you're into this sort of media, huh? Guess our ordeal will work out better than I anticipated."

I shot him a real nasty glare, then slammed the book on the table; "what's that suppose to mean? I'm not a fucking faggot!"

"You should probably consider learning the meaning of a word before using it. You'll look less like an ignorant prick."

"You know what I fucking mean!"

"Are you done now?"

"I'm just getting started you goddamn-"

"Look, uh . . . What was your name again?"

"Fuck You, that's my name!" just as I stepped back ready to slug this snooty bastard, he flipped open the book and motioned me over.

I peered over reluctantly and choked,"What the hell? Is that—us?" I gasped. I was sort of a sexual guy because like many teenage males, I had nude pin ups of gorgeous women and I've also seen my share of R rated media, but I've never seen two guys going at it so the thought of it kind of scared me.

"I've heard of this before. I think the appropriate term for it is doujinshi," Yukio said all too calmly.

"What the hell is wrong with you? How can you be so calm about this? When a guy sees another guy sticking his dick in another guy, he can't just be calm about it especially if it's you doing the sticking! Unless . . . you're gay?" I asked curiously. He seemed like the ideal straight male, but sometimes those are really the gay ones you know.

"I'm merely choosing not to overreact. It's just a drawing."

"It's not just a drawing! Look! There's more!" I began flipping through the pages like a madman. "Well, I have to admit that I look pretty damn sexy, but what the hell are you doing to me? Why are you—why does it say you want to_ feel me from the inside_! What the does that even mean!"

"You do realize you're yelling at a book," said Yukio, rubbing his temples.

"We have to find the culprit and kick his ass!" I was yelling a lot, but I really wasn't all that passionate about getting revenge or anything. I dunno, I think I was just embarrassed about it.

Yukio snatched the book from my hand and sauntered over to the trash can. Hoisting it up, he stepped out, "I'm heading up to the roof. Let's discuss our plans there."

"Awesome! You're not a total asshole after all." He eyed me with a funny glare and then continued walking. As I followed him on up curiously, I couldn't help but wonder what the sneaky bastard was up to. Hopefully, he had something up his sleeve.

Once the door slammed behind us, Yukio scouted the roof for any potential witnesses. After securing the area, he set the can furthest from the exit and removed the plastic bag. Pulling out a real familiar looking lighter, he struggled to get a steady flame.

"Help?" he asked.

"Hey, that's my light! How did you get that?" I demanded, feeling out my pockets.

"Just get over here—oh wait, I got it." He lit the book by the leafs, letting the flames spread before dropping it in the can.

"Why're you burning the evidence!" I exclaimed—not that I was upset about it. I just didn't want the culprit to get away with it.

"There's no need to keep this and embarrass ourselves. There most likely are more doujinshis like this, but I have a plan."

"I knew those glasses weren't for show! So, where do we start? I want this bastard to suffer!" I cackled, rubbing my palms together.

"First, we'll need to keep tabs on who's been going through the club room. From there, we can investigate primary suspects."

"How do we do that?" I asked.

"Thankfully, it's kept locked when not in use. So, I can just ask the janitor who has else has access to the room."

"Good thinking! Let's head back down to the club room after we're done here. I'm kinda worried about leaving my stuff alone."

When we returned, a cute blond was waiting for us. She wasn't really the type of girl to make a guy go mad with desire, but I couldn't take my eyes off her. The girl sort of reminded me of a Pomeranian just because of her fluffy hair and her energy, plus the way her green eyes sparkled and widened drove me nuts sometimes. I just wanted to go d'aww. She was a real nice looking girl, and I've talked to her once or twice, but that's it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked frankly, unsure of what else to say.

Her eyes widened and just as she opened her mouth to speak, Yukio cut in, "Pardon his manners, this is . . ."

"Arumuko Rin, asshole. Shiemi and I have home room together."

He laughed, and it was a phony kind of laughter; "at least he's housebroken. And you are?"

"What? Do you wanna die!" I yelled.

"Moriyama Shiemi, nice to meetcha!" she replied, bowing real enthusiastically.

Shiemi was always real positive and bubbly, even when people were mean to her. Girls always seemed to tease her about her boobs, probably 'cause of jealousy or something. They'd get real catty about the dumbest things you know, but I suppose I'm not much different from them when it comes to that jerk. I wasn't jealous of him or anything; I couldn't care less about money or being book smart. He's just amusing is all.

"Are you joining the club?" I asked.

"Hopefully, if it's not too late to join."

"It's never too late; we're always accepting. Anyone's welcomed so long as they're here to read. You're the girl from yesterday, correct?" said Yukio with a professional air. It was like he didn't give a fuck when it was just me, but that sort of made me glad because I knew he wasn't phony all of the time. It led me to believe that deep down, he really was just a regular guy.

"Yes, I am! I didn't bring anything to read yesterday, so I decided to come today."

"So Shiemi, what kind of books do you like to read?" I asked a bit eagerly. I was beginning to feel left out.

Yukio leaned on my shoulder and that annoyed the crap out of me; he was taller than me and he had the broadness of a swimmer. It's like he did that to rub it in. I'd imagine he was one of those guys who walked around in his bare torso whenever he got the chance because he thought he had a damn good build. He was strong, so maybe he did.

"Well, I really enjoy romance novels," Shiemi said, getting sort of red in the face. I thought for a second that she was sick, but boy was I wrong.

"Like BL novels?" Yukio asked.

Her eyes widened and gleamed; what were they talking about?

"What the hell are BL novels?" I cut in.

"Omagosh, you know what BL is!" she cried, beaming at Yukio, then turning to me. "It's like, the reason why I believe in a god; BL is the best thing ever to grace this planet!" Shiemi said real passionately.

I still had no clue what she was talking about.

"Does your interest include graphic novels as well?" Yukio went on.

"Of—freakin'—course! I love BL games, anime, movies, and real life BL too!"

"Real life BL?" he asked.

"Sometimes in class when Bon is teasing Rin, and then the other guys join in, I day dream about him getting gang raped. And lately, I've been collecting anthologies about this pairing that looks just like you two!"

"Gang raped!" I nearly went limp at that.

"No! It's not like that! Well, maybe it is, but I swear I mean no harm! I'm sorry for dreaming about you two dating!" she sobbed.

"Yukio, you let a terrifying pervert into our club!"I cried.

"At least now we know who the culprit is," he said to me. "Shiemi, I respect your interests, but you can't bring any of that material to school. You'll get us all in trouble and most importantly, put the club at risk of shutting down," Yukio said all calmly, as usual. How the hell could he remain this calm?

"I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen again; but is it alright if it's just a novel and with me at all times? The cover will be discreet too, I promise!"

"I don't see any problem with that. Any objections, Rin?" Yukio asked, turning to me.

"Of course I object! You can't just do stuff like that and think you'll get away with it!" I nearly shouted.

"I'm sorry, I really am!" Shiemi replied all teary-eyed. Even though I was a bit riled up, I couldn't get angry at her; I just couldn't. So, I grunted and Yukio gave the okay for Shiemi to become a club member.

When it finally came time to leave, I hurried back home. Yukio followed me, and as hard as I tried to shake him off, I couldn't. He was stubborn; we had a deal, and as much as I wanted to back down, I didn't have the nerve to do it. I'm really a decent guy you know.

"Are you still mad about what happened earlier? Shiemi said she was sorry," he uttered when he finally caught up to me. I couldn't make an escape because we were on the train by then, and it was packed like a can of sardines. It was always packed around this time when everyone was hurrying to get home to their families, but I really was in no hurry. I just liked to pretend.

"Nah, it's just cold outside," I replied casually.

He took his jacket off and put it round me. It was heavy and real expensive looking too; "If this is going to work, I can't have you taking days off just because of a common cold."

"I suppose you'd be more than willing to shove a suppository up my ass too if I really needed it; give me some fucking space," I said, shifting to look outside at the falling snow. I was getting uncomfortable bumping into his chest.

"You hate me, don't you?"

"What about you? You were an asshole to me even knew your name; and you're still an asshole."

"I don't hate you, Rin ."

After that, I didn't say anything. I didn't want to get into all that horse manure about his motives, and wanting to focus on his career. He made damn well sure I understood what our relationship was about. Not like he broke my heart or anything, but I really did consider being friends.

When we finally got to my house, he followed me right up to my door. "May I come in?" he asked in that phony, professional tone, like we weren't the only ones around.

"Yeah, sure; invite yourself in," I muttered—real sarcastic.

"What?"

"What? Huh?"

His lips tugged into a small smile as he wiped his shoes on the welcome mat before coming in. "Wow, do you ever turn on the heat in this house?" He asked as though he'd never been cold his entire life. He was right to ask though; I never turned it on. I didn't have the money and it really wasn't necessary; I managed just fine with thick blankets, sweats, and tons of socks.

"If you don't like it, you can leave," I said—very frank. I plopped onto my couch; it was one of those leather ones with a matching recliner. A sad old thing really. It was peeling and covered in a layer of dust.

"This is probably the dirtiest house I've ever seen, but it's got a nice homey feel. And there's a familiar air to it."

I wasn't sure how to react to that so I shrugged it off and got up to look for something to eat. Yukio followed me to the kitchen, walking round slowly and picking up things. It started to annoy me, but at least he put stuff back instead of setting it elsewhere like some people did. "Want some?" I offered a tray of crackers, cheese, and pepperoni.

He shook his head and continued to touch things. "Is this your grandmother's house?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was serious or just being sarcastic.

I broke out in laughter, "What? No! This house belonged to my dad."

"I see," he went silent for some minutes and smoothed down a stray hair. "There aren't any photos around your house," I could tell that wasn't exactly what he wanted to say all a long, but I suppose he figured somewhere along the way that I wasn't all that sensitive.

"Eh, never really had anyone around. I don't even have neighbors to pester me all the way out here in this empty lot. All that crab grass growing wildly is fun to run around in sometimes, but it gets real boring after a while," I replied, looking out the sink window.

"I'm moving to my own apartment soon; you're welcome to come over if you ever feel like the weeds around here aren't entertaining enough."

"What happened to keeping things strictly business?" I asked, returning to a tower of cheese and pepperoni, wedged between two round crackers.

"Forget what I said; I really don't mind having you around," he laughed, but the last part didn't sound so phony.

"Seriously, are you gay?" I asked with a mouth full.

"Why yes, I am. In fact, I'm craving a bucket of gargantuan penises right about now," he said, poker-faced.

I laughed so hard, cracker bits fell out of my mouth. I got a real bang out of this guy, so I took him up on his offer. Despite all that's happened, he really was a nice guy when it came down to it.


	3. Chapter 3

Ao no Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato.

* * *

><p><strong>Crazy Sunshine<br>**

Chapter 3

Yukio promised to give me weekends off from our ordeal, unless I contacted him first or wanted to see him—which I didn't. Not really. It was a Saturday, and pretty late into the evening, but the bastard came by anyway.

"Are you busy at the moment?" he asked real politely. I was surprised 'cause he wasn't all spruced up like usual.

"Yeah, jacking off to Disney movies—what the fuck do you want?" I had spent most of my Saturday cooking, sleeping, eating, and dicking around as usual, but I wanted at least a day to myself.

"Let's go somewhere," he insisted.

"What, you wanna go on a date? 'Cause we already went over this."

"Not exactly, I wasn't planning on this because I usually go alone, but I figured it would be for the best if I brought you along," he said real smooth like that would have some sort of influence on my decision.

"Where the hell do you plan on taking me?"

"You'll see when we get there."

I really was surprised when we arrived at a shooting range. For one thing, as far as I knew, civilians weren't allowed to have guns unless for sport. Also, Yukio didn't strike me as a special interests sort of guy; but seeing what he brought and the way he handled fire arms and how he stressed precautions completely changed my mind about him. He was like a mystery unraveling, but the more I found out, the harder it became to forget the guy.

We were situated in a lane far from the others in the range; the second old man in charge of the place had called for a cease fire and Yukio was busy replacing the bullets in a magazine cartridge. I looked down at the others and there were mostly old farts and young hot shots, as well as a few ladies here and there, but nothing special to look at.

"No one would mistake us for a couple in a place like this," I muttered to myself. I didn't think I said it loud enough for anyone to hear, but apparently Yukio heard.

When the old man at his booth gave the okay for people to start shooting again, Yukio came from behind and motioned me to move forward past the red line and to the counter where he had left a small hand gun. He placed two mags in front of me and told me to load up the piece; when I was finished, he instructed me to get into firing position and aim the gun at the target.

"Move your right hand further down a bit, the slide will catch your skin if you don't. Also, keep your index finger on the frame, not the trigger. Just a precaution," he said with a professional sort of air.

I adjusted myself and just when I thought of firing, he came from behind and pressed against me. I froze at this, and stiffened even more when he placed his hands round mine.

"You're trembling. Are you scared?" he whispered.

"I-I'm not!" I said.

"Take a deep breath and try to relax your muscles. Whenever you're ready, pull the trigger. It's kind of like baseball, you'll never know what happens if you don't just swing the bat."

I was too hot in the face to say anything; I couldn't with him so close and breathing against my ear. It was just too goddamn unnerving. I didn't like how I felt at that moment, but he urged me to concentrate, align my target with the front sight of the gun, and pull the trigger when I felt it was right. He said I was more likely to hit my target if I shot twice, so I did.

"Rin, you're being so obedient," he said. But this time, his lips were practically touching my goddamn ears.

I broke free from his grasp and quickly placed the gun on the counter, "I have to use the can!" With that, I sprinted to the bathroom and sat in the only stall with my head buried in my hands and legs tightly pressed together.

A sudden knock on the door had me sighing, until I figured it was the last person I wanted to see, "Is someone in here?"

I stayed silent for some time 'cause I was sure as hell it was Yukio. He got real quiet and I thought he left, but the fucker opened the door and everything after that was just a terrific mess.

"Rin?" he asked.

You should've seen the look on his face, it was like a confused nun fresh out of the holiest of convents. After catching me with my pants down and my hand round my hard on, I knew for sure he was no goddamn emotional cripple. It wasn't like he was disgusted or anything, just shocked. Boy, I bet he got a real bang out of it.

"Would you piss off already!" I cried, covering myself.

He pushed his glasses up and his face became serious as he walked out. I could tell he was just trying not to laugh.

When I finished up, I thought about leaving, but I didn't know the way back home. So I hurried out and waited for him in the cold. He drove me back home, and the whole way there, he was grinning like a madman. It made me really sore, but I was too embarrassed to think of anything sharp to say.

"See you Monday," he said as I got out of the car.

"Like hell you will!" I slammed the door and ran to my house, desperately trying not to slip on the snow and put myself to even further shame.

For the rest of the night, I sat in the fetal position on my bed with two comforters round me, "Fuck it. Just fuck it!" I reached over for my phone on the night stand and scrolled through my contacts. When I came to the bastard's name, I drew in a deep breath and stopped to analyze the situation. With 300,000 yen a month, I could have a decent meal three times a day instead of crumby processed foods, a hot shower any time I damn well please, heat, new clothes, and a new computer even, but was it worth the shame? I called him up anyway.

"What do you want Rin? It's three o' clock in the morning," he asked real sleepy.

"Oh, crap it's late. Anyway, I uh, wanted to . . ." my voice trailed off, but after some minutes I started up again. "I wanted to say—good night." I smacked myself and cursed under my breath. Why couldn't I say it? Why couldn't I call off this dumb ordeal? It wasn't like I was that desperate for money. So why did I hesitate and say something corny instead?

"Well, if that's all you have to say then good night to you too, Rin," he said in a husky voice.

"N-no, that's not it," I stopped and sighed, collapsing onto my bed.

We didn't speak for a long time. I almost thought he had fallen asleep, but he started again, "Rin, where is your family?"

I swallowed hard and put the phone down for a bit, but even though I was sort of an unpleasant guy to be around, I wasn't mean enough to hang up on a person; unless they're a telemarketer or a heckler of course, 'cause they don't count. "What's it to you?"

"Just out of curiosity. You've never mentioned them."

I breathed a sigh and shifted in my bed, "My foster family is in America right now and other one is . . ."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, no, it's not like that. I just don't remember them too hot; my biological family that is. Doesn't matter though 'cause my foster family is terrific. They wanted me to come with them to America, but I wanted to finish up school in Japan. Plus my English sucks," I said, laughing. "You know, before they left for America, they held a big old Christmas party. Everyone was together for once and it snowed about a foot that year. There were so many presents and we ate so much American and Japanese food. It really was terrific . . ."

"That does sound terrific. Rin, I was meaning to ask you this earlier but you rushed off before I could say anything. The holiday break is coming up soon; would you like to spend Christmas with me and my family? Actually, it's just me, my father, and that woman from the burger place—Shura. For fuck's sake, I haven't even thought of what we should bring. Liquor would probably suffice; it's all those two seem to have in common," he joked, laughing to himself. "Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm not being too forward am I?"

I laughed, "You're getting self-conscious all of a sudden. Well shit, I never thought I'd see the day."

He started laughing and for once, it didn't sound forced.

"Hey, Asshole," he said real smug.

"What, Bitch?"

"You gonna come over?"

"Now?" I asked.

"Not now, but if you really wanted to see me that badly then by all means," he said, slightly sarcastic.

I buried myself in my comforters again and gave a loud yawn, "Yeah. I'll come over for Christmas. G'night, Yukio."

"Night."

Everything went alright after that night. Yukio never brought up that situation at the shooting range, Shiemi fawned over him instead and kept her crazy BL fantasies to herself, Bon's lame ass insults didn't faze me, and Eyebrows hardly ever came by, but when she did, she was actually a pretty nice girl. Even when I ate in class or in the cafeteria, I could actually eat my lunch without having it ruined or stolen when she was around. Though, I didn't learn her name until that little incident in the club room. But what happened after that was pretty bad; worse than the thing at the shooting range or the other thing with Shiemi and the pervy manga. At least it all paled in comparison to what happened in my former high school.

It started after Gym when we were suppose to shower and get ready for our next class. I almost always took a shower last 'cause I didn't want Bon and the others to make fun of me for having little to no hair at all on my body. I was a small guy, unlike most of the guys there—except for Konekomaru and Takara of course. They were even smaller than me. Anyway, after I showered and most of the guys had left (since our Gym teacher lets us go early for good behavior), I found a girls' uniform in place of mine. I swear, I searched until the bell for that goddamn thing, and before I could ask the teacher for help, he had already left for his next class 'cause he was also a Health teacher.

"What the hell? I can't go to my next class in this! And it's not like walking around in a towel is any better. Isn't that technically streaking?" I muttered helplessly to myself. It was already three minutes until the next bell and I still had nothing, but a towel on. So, just as I always did, I ran to the club room, but dressed in the uniform this time. And just when I thought the day couldn't get anymore fucked, I walk in on Eyebrows.

"What the fuck? You're a siscon!" I cried, pointing to her manga. I've never read the stuff, but having spent much of my life on the internet, it's just something you eventually come across.

"It's n-not—what the hell! Why are you wearing a girls' uniform!" she nearly screamed.

"Well first, tell me why you're reading dirty manga about little girls!"

"I told you, it's not—I'm not a siscon! Y-you, _pervert_!"

"I'm the perv? I was forced to wear this, you—you sister loving_ pedo_! You got on my case about that gay manga when it didn't even belong to me and now you're doing this!" I yelled, wagging my finger in her face.

"You said it belonged to you! And I'm not a pedophile! I'm in the same grade as you!"

"I lied, okay! You know what? I really don't want to get into this—it's almost like that thing with Shiemi all over again. You have your interests and I have my own crap to deal with. Since we're both here, let's just try to work this out."

She raised a funny looking eyebrow and crossed her arms, "Alright, Mr. Drag Queen. Let's _work this out. _How do you suppose we go about this?"

"I'm not a goddamn drag queen!" I cried, tugging down my skirt. The damn thing seemed to get shorter and shorter every time I moved. "If we're gonna compromise, you can't call me that or speak of this _ever_ again!"

"Okay, then. In return, take back what you said about me being a siscon," she said real smug.

"No, I won't. I promise never to call you that again, but I won't take it back 'cause it's true!"

"Fine, have it your way. Oh, and you should probably wear hosiery when doing drag. Just something to consider."

"Eyebrows, please!"

I swear, when I called her that, her right brow wriggled like a goddamn caterpillar. She pushed to her feet and rushed over, shoving me out of the room.

"My name isn't Eyebrows, or Siscon. It's _Kamiki Izumo_!"

I nearly bawled when I recovered because she had locked the door after forcing me out.

"Please, Izumo! I promise to take back everything I said! Just let me in before someone sees me!" I cried, awkwardly fumbling with my skirt. No matter how much or how loud I banged, she just kept on going 'kyaaa' over the little sisters in her manga.

So then, I booked it towards the nurses office and just as I turned the first corner, I ran into someone so hard that it knocked me over. While I was sprawled on the floor, I noticed that the other guy hadn't even budged.

"I'm sorry, I-" just then, everything felt cold as a witches teat. It was the Senior Vice President, Shima Renzo.

"Rin? Why are you dressed like that? Are you cosplaying?" he asked, helping me up.

"It's a long story. Anyway, I gotta go to the nurses office. See ya."

"The nurse isn't in right now. She had to take an emergency leave, so now they're trying to get a teacher to stay in her place. Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. I just need to go, like right now," I said, but he wouldn't let me by.

"Do you have a note or a call from your parents?" he continued.

"Look Shima, I really have to be going now."

I tried to get past him again, but this time, he stuck his goddamn arm out and hooked me.

"You can't leave without first checking in the attendance office; the administration is legally responsible for what happens to you during school hours. So I can't let you go unless you show me proof that you're parents are aware of your early dismissal."

"Really, Shima? Why are you doing this?" I asked, pulling my arm away. He held on so tight that it felt like he'd break my skin at any moment.

"I'm an ASB officer, I can't let you do whatever you please. Now, if you don't have any proof for your release, then I'll escort you back to class."

There really was no point in trying to reason with him, so I made a run for it. For a pothead, he sure was fast and he had wind. He trailed me all the way to the third floor and into an empty chemistry room. It was real dark in there with all the blinds shut, probably because the last class had to watch a corny educational video, but it became even darker when Shima closed the door. I'm glad I hid behind the desks because the prick made damn well sure to check all the storage rooms.

On the spur of the moment, I decided to make a run for it. Just when I reached for the doorknob, the click of the light switch illuminated the class room and old Shima appeared right behind me, slamming his hand on the frame of the door. I swear, he moved like a phantom and that scared the crap outta me.

"Why are you so eager to run away, Rin? I'm doing this for your benefit. You could get a detention or even a Saturday work crew for skipping class," he said real hushed.

"I don't give a fuck! If you hadn't notice, there's a life beyond high school."

"You never did explain yourself. How about I let you go if you give me a convincing reason for skipping class?" he asked, getting real close.

"How about I kick your ass and take your damn clothes? Then you'll understand why I don't want to go to class like this."

"You make it sound like someone forced you into that outfit."

"More like someone left me a shitty ultimatum. It was either this or run around campus naked," I said, looking away.

"I don't think you look half bad."

"Don't fuck with me, Shima."

"Rin."

"Go fuck-" and before I could even tell him to fuck himself, he caught me with kiss.

I really wish I hadn't provoked him.

Who knows how long it lasted or if there was any tongue. My mouth just hung open 'cause I couldn't tell where I was or what the hell was going on. And when he finished, the fucker placed his big old blazer round me and left without a word. That's one way to really fuck with a person, you know. Pull out an ace that leaves them feeling like a madman.

I skipped school for a couple days after that, and Yukio kept coming by to check up on me, but I never answered the door or any of his calls. I avoided him for about three days until he decided to enter by force.

"For fuck's sake! I'm taking a bath! Couldn't you have waited until I was finished?" I said, pulling my knees to my chest.

"I couldn't wait—I wanted to make sure you weren't trying to kill yourself."

"If I wanted to kill myself I would've already done it. You're about three days late you know."

"What is this about, Rin? Did something happen to you at school?" he asked, approaching me slow.

Normally, this is when I'd tell him to go fuck himself, but I was vulnerable. Just like that day in the chemistry room—but with Yukio, it was different. He just kept on until I finally had the piece of mind to swing at him so that he'd keep his distance, and even when I did hit him, he put his arms round me real tight. No matter how much I struggled or cried, he kept on telling me that it wasn't my fault.

What the hell did he know?

He knew nothing, yet here he was, holding me like I was some goddamn baby. Then he kissed me all over—eyes, cheeks, nose, ears, shoulders—_anywhere,_ but the mouth. It wasn't like I kept him from doing it either, 'cause it's not like he hasn't done it before. There was that one time at the burger place, I remember, but that kiss felt impersonal. Just like Shima's kiss. It confused the hell outta me, but it was impersonal 'cause it really was just a kiss. Just like how the kiss you give your mom, or your grandma, or a sibling when they're real small is just a kiss. Those kisses are simple, not a complicated sort of affection. It's just something you do when the time feels right, or even when it doesn't.

"I don't know if I'll ever find out what's the matter. With some people, you just don't, but you still go on living anyway," he said real softly.

That really killed me. I think I fell in love for a split second, but then I felt sick. There are just some people that can drive you crazy. They really can.


	4. Chapter 4

Ao no Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato

* * *

><p><strong>Crazy Sunshine<br>**

Chapter 4

I only had a few days until the holiday break. Instead of going to school, Yukio agreed to talk to my teachers and get my homework for me. He came over afterward, saying something about having to leave for a while and that I should have everything completed before he came back. I half-assed everything of course, so when he returned, he nearly kicked me down the steps of the porch.

"You had nearly two weeks to read a hundred paged book, watch a movie, write several pages on it, and finish up a few worksheets—why the hell are you so far behind?" he asked, rubbing his temples.

"I've been dicking around as usual, duh. At least I've read some of the book and finished all of the worksheets."

"How much is _some_?"

"Hardly enough to meet your standards, Confucius."

When he opened his mouth to speak again, I approached him slow and lightly touched his jaw where I had hit him; it had been over a week since that incident at my house, but the bruise was still there. He flinched, so I moved my hand to the back of his neck. It's something a middle aged woman does to her husband, but boy when I did it, I could tell that really killed him. He grew quiet and his eyes became unsteady like he was afraid to look at me.

"That's it! That's the ace I'll pull out whenever you decide to emasculate me with your godddamn nagging," I laughed.

"Just get your stuff so we can leave," he said, pushing my hand away.

I went off to gather my things, but when I returned he looked over my bag once and gestured me to follow him upstairs.

"You can't go to my father's house looking like a homeless person. I don't care if you look like that when we're together, but when you're in the presence of my father, you have to look like you have some self-respect," he said.

"Pfft, I spend most of my life in a uniform. The working class hardly has time to worry about appearances."

He shoved past me and rummaged through my closet without even asking. Jeez, I liked the guy but he was beginning to get on my nerves.

"Why do you have an over sized blazer?" he asked, pulling it out of the waste bin. It was the one Shima gave me; he never asked for it back.

I thought of snatching it from him, but that would only make the old prude suspicious,"I ordered the wrong size. They wouldn't let me return it, so I ordered another one," I said. I'm not sure if he bought it, but what happened between me and Shima was nothing to fret over. It really wasn't.

It didn't take long for Yukio to give up on my sad wardrobe, so he offered to buy me a new set of threads. It was real nice of him, but I decided to check my old man's closet anyway. I'll admit, wearing a dead guy's clothes is weird, but he was my old man and it's just clothing after all. So I went ahead and looked through his room. It was the first time I ever set foot in there mainly because I felt odd about it, but what I found in there would forever change the face of history for me.

That day, I uncovered Kurikara.

It was a piece of junk if you ask me 'cause the blade was dull, but after reading an envelop attached to it, I kept that thing closer to me than any enemy I'd ever encounter. My old man had planned on giving it to me as a birthday gift, but he didn't live long enough to see that through. Man, that really made me weary.

"Rin? You find anything?" Yukio asked as he poked his head inside the room.

"Oh, uh, nothing really. Just a bunch of clerical junk—you know, priest stuff," I said, stowing the old katana away. I don't know why I hid it, I just did.

"Rin, we should get going. Given it's Christmas Eve, the mall may close early."

I really got a bang out of that trip. Really. With my foster family gone, I rarely had the money or the motivation to go to the mall for the hell of it. The only time I did was when I got lucky enough with a girl. At my previous high school, I knew a real splendid guy—clear thinking too. He hooked me up with this funny looking broad once, but I thought she was kinda cute, so I took her to the mall and treated her like a real princess. You know, buying her crepes and holding her bags for her—all that cutesy crap that guys do when they like a girl. Thing is, I never called her back after that, so I guess I didn't really like her.

We went to about a dozen stores before we found a place that sold suits small enough to fit me. Yukio picked out a wool tweed suit at H&M and although it was trendy and sophisticated, I wasn't too hot about it. "Yukio, my good man, if you really must know . . . I went to Haaaarvard," I said in the snootiest impression I could utter. "How'd you like that? I sound fresh out of an Ivy League school, right?"

"If you didn't know how to laugh at yourself, you'd be dead by now," he muttered under his breath.

I laughed and gave him a fat old kiss on the cheek, "Cheer up you big lug, it's Christmas Eve!" I exclaimed. "I really like the blazer you picked out, but I think all this tweed is a bit much for me. Lemme go switch up a few things—be right back," and so I pressed on through H&M. After gathering a few things, I hurried back to the changing room and presented my take on the outfit. I exchanged the thick printed tie with a thinner black one, I also switched out the bottoms with whisker wash jeans, changed the black Oxfords with grey Vans, and added dark aviators to polish it off. Yukio on the other hand looked mortified.

"What? You hate it?" I asked a bit injured.

"No, not at all. I think I'm attracted to you is all."

I smiled thinking he was just poking fun at me, until it got awkward. He just kept on staring, so I broke the silence and said, "You're really gay."

"What?"

"Nothing."

We didn't stay very long at mall after that. Yukio went all out and restocked his groceries like there was gonna be a nuclear fallout. Turns out, he volunteered me to make a few dishes for the Christmas party. I got a bit sore when he told me that, but Yukio was a cool guy and it was just gonna be the four of us anyway.

"If I strain my back from lifting all these groceries, you're giving up your bed tonight you goddamn slave driver," I huffed, hauling the last of the bags into his fancy pants kitchen.

"Sure thing," he said, setting down a white towel on the counter. "Crap—I left the faucet on in the bathroom, I gotta go take care of it before the tub overflows. Start putting the stuff in the fridge; I'll help you after I turn the faucet off."

"Nah, go ahead and take your bath. I'll take care of things here," I said.

He went on ahead, but the moron left his towel on the counter, so I hurried after him. I swear, I had a field day trying to find that goddamn bathroom; his apartment really was that big. And when I did, I got real sore and wished I hadn't been so thoughtful.

"Yukio, you left your towel . . ." I trailed off for about a minute or so after that, and before I knew it, he was grinning like a madman.

"See something you like?" he laughed, taking the towel from my hands.

"I, uh—the groceries. Hm, yeah."

I got the hell outta there when I finally realized what I've done. It wasn't like I've never seen a guy's junk before, but damn, Yukio was really packing if you know what I mean. I almost felt sorry for the poor girl he'd end up shagging; rest in peace her vagina.

After that little run in with Yukio, I managed to clear my head and start up several dishes before he returned. It had been a while since I've cooked for anyone else outside of work, but at that point I had enough field experience to knock his family's socks off.

"It smells great, Rin. Your domestic abilities are impressive; you'd make a great housewife," he joked while poking around.

"Housewife my ass, go fuck yourself. And stop touching everything—I had helluva time putting this together!"

He raised his arms in a disarming manner, "You got it, Chef. If you need me, I'll be in the living room."

It took quite some time to finish preparing all of the dishes, but with enough concentration and effort, I ended up pulling it off all by myself. I was real weary by then 'cause I also managed to finish the assigned reading while I cooked. All there was left to do was watch the movie and write a paper on it. I wandered out to the living room and plopped down beside Yukio. He didn't say anything, so I collapsed against his side and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Whatcha reading?" I asked.

"Jump Square," he replied.

"You're like an old fart, you know that? When's the last time you ever did anything fun?"

"Are you bored, Rin? Have you finished cooking? And what about your assignments? What are you going to do about that?"

Straightening up, I gazed at him real hard until he put down the reading and looked back at me.

"Don't worry your pretty little head," I said, sweeping my palm over his bangs. "I don't know how we've gotten this far, but I really would've kicked your ass by now if you weren't so fucking special."

"As if I'd ever let that happen. What the hell are you getting at?"

I grinned and reclined in my seat, unsure of what to say next. You never really plan on those moments when you finally rid yourself of that weight on your chest, but even though it's quite spontaneous, it somehow works out even if it doesn't end well.

"A few years back, I went to a public school in the country side before transferring here. It was a memorable few years, I'd say; I really knew how to fuck things up. The first couple of months were great, mostly because I couldn't understand their dialect. I thought everyone was so nice and friendly, but I soon caught on and realized people were actually making fun of me; I couldn't believe they had the goddamn nerve to do it in my fucking face. That wasn't what set me off though. I could handle the bullying, but when they used my little sister to lure me out and implement a hazing. She wasn't my own flesh and blood, but she was just an innocent kid . . . I really wish I could remember how I fucked up that sonuvabitch, but I supposedly blacked out when it happened. I'm not sure how it's even possible for me to be here and not in some correctional facility, but a guy named Mephisto made it all happen. Really, I was like:_ 'what sorcery is this?'_ when I found out I'd be going to a school and not a penitentiary."

I laughed but Yukio went silent for some time, training his gaze on the corner of the room like there was some sort of energy lingering there. It scared me, but he finally digressed: "before I met you, I intended to join the Foreign Legion as a medic because the Japanese military wouldn't accept me, but my father convinced me to stay here in Japan."

"Why wouldn't the military accept you?" I asked.

He looked off for some time before replying, "I killed someone when I was very young."

I trained my gaze on him, unsure of what to say, and the expression on his face really killed me. It was so goddamn depressing.

"My memory of it isn't quite clear because of past medical complications. Still, officials admitted me into a psychiatric ward after being released from the hospital. I've spent most of my childhood in that institution, and I should still be there, but my father found me and paid them off in exchange for my release. I'm not too sure of the details, just that he's the only family I've got left. There's still a chance my brother might be alive, but I highly doubt I'll ever meet him. It's been too long."

Yukio and I didn't speak much after that. I didn't know what to say, so I just patted him on the back and stayed by his side as we watched the movie assignment together. I guess this is what real friendship feels like; it's so raw and honest, but at the same time there are heavy burdens to bear.

It didn't snow that Christmas.

I was really disappointed, but at least I made a good first impression with Yukio's old man. At least I think I did; it could have been all the alcohol he consumed that made him so fond of me.

"Yukio, this kid's a riot! Isn't that right, Shura?" asked Yukio's dad. Shura shrugged and went back to yelling at the television 'cause there was a Christmas special for some funky game show.

Shura, the woman I saw at the burger place, turned out to be Yukio's potential fiance. Nothing was official, but Yukio's dad had his sight set on her because she was so fucking special. Just like Yukio, she was a genius, but she didn't act like a pretentious bitch because she really didn't give a fuck. You know? Like in that American movie, _Good Will Hunting_. I think that's what it's called. Anyway, in that movie, the main character was kinda like me; he was an orphan, so he moved around a lot. I swear, I've gone through so many foster homes and adopted so many surnames that if I tried to count them all, I'd lose track before I got to the one I was born with. Thing is, I don't even remember my original surname. That's really fucking terrific, isn't it?

Anyhow, the main character jumps from foster home to foster home until he finally lives on his own. He works at MIT as a goddamn janitor. Occasionally, this professor writes out math problems that took him years to figure out. He does it to see if there are any mathematicians among the lot, and whaddya know? The main character solves them all. He does it anonymously though, so the professor has a field day trying to figure out who solved the problems. When he finally figures out who it is, the main character winds up in jail for assault. And this isn't the first time he's committed that crime. He has a long history of assault charges and other stuff you'd never want to have to put on a resume. So, the professor pulls some strings and becomes his parole officer on the condition that the kid hones his skills as a math genius, but the main character doesn't want to get involved, he just wants to go back to his own life and do whatever it is he wants to do.

She's sorta like that-according to what Yukio told me. He really hates her guts for that reason. Apparently, even though he is a genius, he works a bajillion times harder just to keep up with her. Though, I really liked her 'cause she pwns Yukio just by existing; I can't help but giggle like a teenage girl at the thought of it. Anyway, the party wasn't too bad. Yukio wasn't a tight ass for once, Shura nearly smothered me with her breasts 'cause she really was that drunk, and Mister Okumura. was alright until Yukio left to drive Shura home.

The old fart was piss drunk, so I watched over him until Yukio got back. He kept stumbling all over the place and slurring random things; man, he was a sorry mess. I took him up to his room after that, and guess what? He was built like a fucking line backer, and yet I _still_ crawled up a goddamn staircase with his drunk ass. When we got there he spilled his beer all over me, but when I wanted to leave and change my shirt, the old fart wouldn't let me go. He'd start to bawl if I so much as touched the doorknob, so I asked to borrow one of his shirts. He got up, grinning like a madman, and clambered into his closet 'cause he didn't want me to touch anything. Pfft, _I_ was the sober one! But it gets better; he came out with this white dress, telling me how terrific I would look. I wasn't having it, but he kept pushing me, so I put the fucking thing on and he started laughing like a hyena.

"Piss off, old man!" I cried, when he tried to put lipstick on me.

He got me into a hold and managed to smear the red crap on my lips. And it didn't stop there; this is when things got really fucking weird.

"You look just like her, Rin. You really do."

"Who?" I asked.

"Yukio's mother."


	5. Chapter 5

Ao No Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato

* * *

><p><strong>Crazy Sunshine<br>**

Chapter 5

I didn't receive it too well; the whole '_you look like my son's dead mother_' thing, that is. At that point, I was too creeped out and confused, not to mention embarrassed to stay there any longer. But that old man—no, he wasn't old. In fact, he looked rather young and was actually quite handsome. Dashing even if you compared him to his own son 'cause as plain as Yukio seemed, he really was a sexy bastard if you paid enough attention.

Anyway, the old fart held me steadfast with this real intense gaze like his eyes were an entirely separate realm of their own—they were just that dark and vast. Thankfully, Yukio returned before his old man could try anything funny. He called out to us, allowing me a moment to yank off the dress and throw on my beer stained shirt. At least I'd have less explaining to do with that on.

"Hey, Yukio. I'm real glad you're back; how 'bout we head back to your place?"

"Are you wearing lipstick? And you reek of beer. What happened to your shirt?"

I wiped away the awful red from my lips and blamed it on all the strawberry soda I'd been drinking. As for the smell, I told him exactly what happened—that his father was clumsy and piss drunk. Yukio didn't seem bothered by it, so he told a maid to pass on his regards to his father before we headed over to his apartment. I still don't get why everybody was conveniently gone when the old fart nearly wasted himself on beer and chamisul.

When we returned, I quickly washed up and changed before tackling Yukio and throwing him down beside his bed.

"I would've allowed you to sleep there if you had just asked. You could even sleep in your own room if you wanted to," he said, getting into the futon next to the bed.

"That sounds more like a suggestion and less like an option," I replied with a cheesy frown.

He grinned and threw a pillow at me, which I dodged, but rather prolonging the inevitable I gave him the one finger salute and settled into bed. His bed.

The night dragged on after that. I could hardly sleep with all the thoughts whirling in my mind, and on top of that, I was really hungry. Finally, at some point in all the tossing and turning, I fell asleep. That night, I dreamed of the labyrinth of fire. It had been long since 'cause for some reason the dreams sorta stopped right around the time I met Yukio. Now, they all came flooding back. I woke up so hot after that 'cause my lips felt like they were on fire, but when I regained consciousness, I realized why.

"Yukio!" I cried, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "What the hell are you doing?"

"CPR. Are you alright now? I heard you wheezing and-"

"I'm alright! Just go back to sleep," I said, diving under the covers. Goddamn it, that was embarrassing. I hope I didn't have morning breath or something.

Shortly after, my stomach rumbled real loud. Yukio chuckled and I just got all hot in the face.

"I can bring you something to eat if you want. Like a sandwich if you're concerned about my domestic abilities," he laughed.

"I'll go with you," I muttered.

We made terrific sandwiches. Since Yukio had all that food stockpiled in his walk in fridge—yes, he really did have a walk-in fridge like the ones in restaurants—we were able to make incredible, mouth-watering sandwiches.

"So Rin, what did you think of my family? They're a bit quirky, but it's those idiosyncrasies that make them so special."

"I like Shura a lot. She totally kicks your ass and she hardly does a thing," I laughed.

"I see you've taken a liking to that amazon."

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. What about my father? He got a bit carried away with the alcohol, but he's a hard working man; it's only natural for him to let loose once in a while."

"He's cool," I lied.

"Oh." You could tell he was somewhat disappointed.

"Yeah, I could see where you get your looks from," I replied. That's all I could genuinely think of that wasn't a lie. Mr. Okumura really was a fascinating man, but in a dark, menacing way. Like if you were ever to cross him, I bet he'd make sure you paid tenfold for it. That alone was terribly unnerving.

"That better not be an insult."

"It's not!" I exclaimed. After taking another bite of my sandwich, I reached across the counter for a small sprig of mistletoe; "Hey, you weren't planning to use this on me, were you?"

"Don't be silly. The old woman next door gave it to me—as if I'd ever use it."

"Why not?" I said, with a mouth full.

He stopped to look at me, eyes narrowing, "It really was a gift, Rin."

"Come on, it's just a goddamn kiss," I said, starting my second sandwich. "It's not like you'll suddenly want to suck cock by kissing another guy."

"You don't give me enough credit, Rin. Besides, we're still eating."

I held up the mistletoe and lightly pecked his lips just for the reaction. He looked so goddamn surprised when he really should've seen it coming. Man, that cracked me up.

"I think I got some of your tomato," I laughed.

"Now hold on, if you're gonna do it at least make it count."

"What, you wanna do it again?" I asked.

"Just once more."

"Alright," I said, shrugging. I swallowed the last of my sandwich and sipped my juice to clear the pallet, then leaned in to give another peck, but I caught his upper lip instead. Yukio didn't seem satisfied, so I pulled back.

"Rin, keep your lips still. You keep moving them."

"I didn't know which way you were turning and I wanted to keep my eyes open 'cause it's not as—you know . . ." I was actually beginning to think rather hard about it.

"So it's okay if it's eyes open?"

"I mean, it just seems personal when it's not. I'm not trying to judge or anything, it's just . . . I dunno," I said, scratching my head.

"You've never kissed anyone before, have you?"

"Was it really that easy to tell?" I asked—real sheepish.

"Yeah. It was," he laughed. "Try it again, but this time put your lips like this."

It felt a bit odd at first especially when he licked and tugged on my lips, but his skin was soft and he smelled really good—as weird as that sounds. Yukio smelled a bit like frankincense: sweet, warm, balsamic, and almost stimulating. I'm not even sure why I cared about his smelly hair, but I really did begin to notice more about him. And as crazy as it seemed, I hardly gave a thought as to how awkward it could've been. Maybe he was just that good, 'cause Yukio sure as hell wasn't sloppy with his kisses; that much I could tell.

"Yukio—you're pushing me off the stool," I panted.

He just kept going as he slipped his hands around my ass. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" I asked, pushing him back.

"Sorry, my hand slipped . . ." he muttered, kissing me all over. Gosh, he was really getting into it. It was sort of funny, in a way.

"I-I'm going to bed," I said, pulling away to make a run for the door.

He never came to his room after that. In fact, rather than waking to Yukio, I woke to a mutated cat. Like you should've seen the thing; it had two tails, horns, and these great big yellow eyes. He had one helluva appetite and the endurance of a toddler—you know, always wanting to play and stuff.

"_Merry Christmas Rin_," read the tag round his little neck. "Well, it looks like you're stuck with me, little man," I said, removing the bow and tag. I decided to call him Kuro just 'cause that name kicks ass.

I didn't see Yukio until the next day. It was hard for me to even understand my own feelings, but as far as I knew, I just got scared. I didn't think he'd get so serious over it, but Yukio was the quiet type. It's said those guys are the most emotional 'cause they keep everything bottled up inside. I really did want to understand Yukio though, so I made it a note to ask him about it the next time I saw him.

I went to town square to buy Kuro cat stuff, but mostly to kill time. There were so many damn people, and in this area, the place was crowded on a daily basis. It was snowing pretty heavy too, but that didn't stop people from coming down to catch all the after Christmas sales and wander. Despite all of the people though, it was helluva a beautiful sight with all the Christmas lights and the huge decorated tree smack dab in the middle of everything. I suddenly felt lonely because I wanted to share it with someone else. Luckily, I met Izumo on my way there.

"Shopping for little sister comics, I see," I said—rather smug.

"Shut up!"

"Anyway, meet Kuro. He's my new bad ass sidekick," I said. Kuro meowed and paced back and forth on my shoulders. I'm surprised I didn't have to put him on a leash, especially with so many people around. He could've been one of those specially trained circus cats for all I knew.

"I feel sorry for him. What are you doing down here, anyway? Shouldn't you be with Yukio? I saw him at that new cafe just down the street; it looked like he was waiting for someone."

"Really? Show me where!" I demanded. We ran down to the cafe several blocks back the way Izumo came and found Yukio sipping black coffee. Man, what a stud muffin. And just when I started towards him, a girl sprinted over to his table and bowed furiously like she was real sorry—probably for being late.

"Izumo, who's that?" I asked.

"Isn't that—_Shiemi_?"

"Shiemi! What is _she_ doing with _him_?" I cried.

"What's your problem? Don't tell me you're jealous."

"Never mind that, show me where you buy your comics!" I exclaimed, pulling Izumo by her arm.

We went all over to her favorite comic sources, and goddamn I've never seen so many otaku's gathered in so many places. Anyway, it really was great to be away from that jerk. I don't know why I thought so hard about the whole mistletoe situation anyway. It was just a kiss—a stupid kiss.

"It's like I'm in a sea of nerds!" I cried.

Izumo kicked me down and nearly choked me out, "Would you shut up! You're embarrassing me!"

"Urk—okay! You freakin' amazon," I muttered, rubbing my neck.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing!" I exclaimed. And the day went like that; just me and old Izumo horsing around. It was nice seeing her without getting an earful of that ASB crap. She really was a cool person, despite being a bit of a loose canon and all.

It was pretty late once we decided to call it a night. I walked with Izumo to the train station just 'cause that's what you do when you go on a date with a girl. Well, it was more like a quasi date, but by my standards, a date.

"You know, I actually had a really great time Izumo. We should hang out more often," I said.

"Yeah, me too," said Izumo. After pecking me once on the cheek, she dashed up the escalator to catch her train. I was stunned. It was the first kiss I'd ever received from a girl, and the fact that it came from Izumo made it even tougher to believe. Though shortly after, I thought of Yukio and Shiemi kissing and that sort of made my head spin—hell, they might've gone as far as necking. I'm not sure why I cared. He wasn't even mine.

I decided to take a short cut home rather than waving down a taxi. There were less people and traffic that way, but it cut straight through the ghetto part of the city. I knew some real splendid folks that lived in the area, but I had no idea if they were still around. I would've have call them up for a burger by now if I knew.

"We told you not to deal on these streets. You don't know who you're dealing with—boy," said a guy around the corner of the alley. I peeked over and saw five thugs surrounding a fool with a big old blond streak in his hair; he was already sprawled on the ground, beaten and battered. He reminded me of a guy I wasn't real fond of.

"Now, get your candy ass up and bounce back to your boss; tell him that we've taken over. "

When the guy yanked the big lug on the floor by his hair, I realized at once who it was.

"Bon!" I cried.

"Who's there?"

"Shit!" I spat, dropping my bags and making a run for it. Two of the goons came after me, but rather than trying to outrun them, I took a sharp turn to the right at the end of the alley and circled the building. I noticed there was a fire escape directly above the thugs from earlier, so I climbed several stories up and lost them. They kept on moving though, leaving three of their guys behind. Desperately looking round the fire escape, I noticed a big old potted plant sitting out in the open. Heaving the damn thing with all my might, I lifted it up so that it was positioned directly above the guy calling all of the shots—once I was sure it'd hit him, I dropped it. Just as I'd anticipated, the pot shattered and knocked the fucker out while the other two were caught off guard. I took that moment to jump off and land on them both, knocking one out while I had to fight off the other. Kuro finally jumped in and scratch the hell outta the bastard until he threw the little guy off and busted my lip. I tell ya, that really fucking hurt.

"You hit like a _bitch_!" I yelled, swiveling as I concentrated all my weight and strength into one last knock out punch. When it connected with the guy's face, his head jerked as if his brain literally shook against his skull. I ran over to Kuro and man, the little guy was a soldier—he dashed past me and took a dump on one of the thugs. Meanwhile, I rushed over to Bon and checked his pulse, "Hey, Asswipe! Wake up! I know you're still alive!" I yelled, slapping his face. He looked up at me, but it seemed like he couldn't see a damn thing even with his eyes open.

"The—g-grass . . ." he mouthed, like a fish out of water. I searched the thugs and found a couple bags of what looked like dried moss.

"Marijuana? You fucking idiot, you got your ass kicked over weed? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I said, hoisting him up. I carried his ass to a busy street so I could wave down a taxi. Luckily, in this part of town it really wasn't uncommon to witness fights or unconscious people with the number of pubs and parlors littering the place.

After finally catching a taxi, I had the driver stop a couple blocks from my house just in case we were followed. Carrying Bon the rest of the way, I nearly broke my goddamn ankle when Shima suddenly popped out from the shadows.

"It's alright Kuro," I said, stepping in front of him. Still, he kept on hissing 'til I scolded him. "What the hell do you want Shima? Did you follow us here?" I asked—real irritated. I really didn't feel like dealing with him.

"I live a couple blocks from your house in that new complex, you know. I was just on my way back home and I noticed-"

"Shima, I don't give a fuck what you were doing. If you wanna help, help. Otherwise, fuck off!" I barked. Bon was really fucking heavy; talking just made me weaker.

"Alright, I'll take over then."

We were silent the whole way there, and because he had Bon, I _had _to let him inside.

"Take him upstairs to the room on the left, and don't touch a damn thing!" I exclaimed.

Shima said nothing and did as I told him; the fact he was being so obedient made me even angrier. Why was he doing this: taking my crap and acting like that incident in the Chem. Lab never happened? I'd be sure to ask him once we tended to Bon, and even though I really hated the guts of those two bastards, I didn't have it in me to throw them out. I'd gone through so much to help Bon anyway.

"Here's a first aid kit, towels, water, ibuprofen, and sandwiches. Let me know if you need anything else," I said, setting down the tray of items on my nightstand.

"Thanks," said Shima. "Is your lip alright?"

I felt my lip and realized it was already caked in blood, "I'll clean it up later."

Watching Shima tend to Bon made me think: if he hadn't shown up, I'd still be dragging Bon's sorry ass up the steps without a clue of what to do next. I didn't know much about first aid and Bon was a technically a criminal. Though, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the whole truth behind it. Maybe he deserved it.

"I have to wonder, Rin. Why didn't you just call the police?"

"Your sidekick got his ass beat over weed. If I had called, he'd go to jail or get killed. Not that I'd really care, but it didn't seem right to leave him like that," I sighed, plopping into an old vinyl chair.

"All things considered, you're not exactly on good terms with Bon, yet you helped him anyway . . ."

"Whatever, I still don't like either of you," I said, leaning back in my chair. He just smiled and we didn't talk much after that.

Later that night—it was technically the morning, but it was still dark—I stayed downstairs mostly because I couldn't sleep. I didn't feel entirely comfortable with Bon and Shima in my home either, and I was still thinking about that goddamn Yukio. I thought about calling him up, but it was so late that I decided against it.

"Rin."

"Fuck!" I cried, clutching my chest. "You scared me, Shima. What're you doing up? Something wrong with Bon?"

"He's fine, I just wanted see what you were doing. Can't sleep?"

"Not with you bitches in my house," I said—real smug.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm only kidding. It's not a big deal, man. Really," I replied, looking away. He began to gaze at me real hard the same way Yukio's old man did; I began to feel a bit sick.

"Not about Bon; I'm sorry about what happened before the break."

"Oh," I said.

"I wasn't trying to spite you or anything like that. I just like you, is all."

"Oh," I didn't know what else to say. What do you say when someone tells you that? Thank you? He just laughed it off like it was nothing.

"Your feelings toward me are pretty obvious, so I'm not expecting an answer or anything. I just wanted you know, " he said with a big old grin on his face. Surely he was hurt, but you could hardly tell. Guess I really was _that_ dense.

"So, do you like, wanna be friends or something?" I said, rather unsure.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Bon slept the entire day while Shima and I hung out at my house. I had a swing set and a tree house out back, so we just horsed around and talked. Like Izumo, he turned out to be pretty cool, but he talked way too much about girls. Blah, blah, blah I'm a womanizer, blah. Yeah, it was nice though; I finally felt comfortable around him.

"Shima, we have to fuck with Bon."

He just shook his head like he was thinking, _"No way, that's awful!"_ but he went ahead and said, "Okay!"

About 30 minutes later, I ran upstairs and jumped into bed without a shirt on; he didn't wake up right away though, so I had to slap the guy a bit until he finally came around.

"Hey, Babe. You sleep well?" I said—real smooth.

"Rin?" he asked, thick with sleep. "What the hell are you doing in my bed?"

"Pfft, this is _my _bed," I replied.

It took him a while to finally come to terms with situation, but boy was it worth it. "Oh. My. God. Did we—did we, _do it_?"

"Well, duh—you gay fuck," I laughed. Bon on the other hand, was mortified. He was so shocked that he tried to get out of bed, but he ended up scrambling all over the place.

"Bon, you're awake. How are you feeling?" asked Shima, as he entered and placed a tray of fresh fruit, pancakes, and milk on the nightstand.

"Shima? There's no fucking way I had a threesome with you two!" Bon cried.

I slapped his back and jumped out of bed, "I'm just pulling your leg. I rescued you from those thugs last night after you got your ass kicked. I also found _a lot_ of weed."

"Weed? Where? Where is it?" he asked—real anxious.

"Nowhere in this house, I assure you. Seems real dear to you; I bet you'd do _anything _for it," I replied.

"Don't think you can blackmail me into anything, I could have you arrested for possession of illegal substances," he said.

"But it's _not _in my possession; not now at least," I said walking away.

"Get your ass back here, Rin!" he yelled.

I ran downstairs and he actually had the gall to jump the last few steps and land on top of me. He was built like a merc, but I wouldn't let him have it that easily. I horsed around a bit, provoking him until his face was red as a tomato, then caught him in a sleeper hold.

"I saved your ass; the least you could do is thank me you goddamn gorilla," I panted.

"He's telling the truth, Bon. I'm only here because I saw him carrying you to his home," said Shima.

"Why the hell would he help me?" Bon spat, struggling to break free from my hold.

"Because I'm a decent person!" I retorted. You should've seen him—he got real quiet, and Shima did too. I wasn't angry at him or anything, I just thought that much was the obvious.

"Get the fuck off me," Bon spat.

A knock then came from the door, so I told Bon to wait as I got up to open it: "Yukio? What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check up on the little guy I left you. I guess you could call him a late Christmas present or an early birthday gift; either way, I hope you like him."

"Yeah, thanks! He's awesome; I got a bunch of stuff for him today," and at that moment, I realized I had left all Kuro's stuff behind. "Fuck," I muttered. "Anyway, how did you know it was my birthday?" I asked.

"Shiemi told me."

"Oh," I said.

"Do you mind if I come inside?"

"Nah, come in. Bon and Shima are also here," I said moving aside to let him through.

"Perhaps I should come back another time."

"Actually, your timing couldn't be more perfect. We were just on our way to celebrate my birthday, _right guys_?" I asked.

"Right?" They both replied, looking to me, then to each other.

Shima offered to let Kuro stay at his place since he also had cats. After we dropped him off, we ended up going to a gentleman's club; or a titty bar if you're not real big on formalities. I thought it'd be a great way to lighten up the mood since I was finally on good terms with Bon and Shima. As for Yukio, my mind would spin whenever I thought of him and Shiemi, so I figured I'd feel a lot better about it if I could just laugh it off. And I did.

"Excuse me, Miss?" I asked.

"Yes, hon?" replied the lady with really big knockers.

"We'd like a lap dance for our friend here," I said, handing her a tip. "Oh, and Yukio's gay so do your best."

"Mind if I called you Yuki-chan?" she asked, sitting on his lap.

"Please don't call me that," said Yukio, glaring angrily at me. Apparently, Bon and Shima thought it was hilarious 'cause they could barely keep from laughing.

"Lighten up, man. When I get back, I wanna see a smile on your face, " I said, tugging his cheeks.

"Where are you going, Rin?" asked Shima.

"Restroom," I said. When I got back, there was no sign of Yukio. I asked Bon where he had gone 'cause Shima was on stage with a couple of dancers; he said Yukio had left before the stripper could even finish. So I shook his hand with the coordinates to the marijuana and told him not to wait for me.

It snowed pretty hard that night. Since the taxis and the trains didn't run that late, I eventually caught up to Yukio. He was super lax on a bench and he had his head tilted back as if he were watching the snow fall, but his eyes were closed.

"You'll lose a limb sitting out here," I warned lazily. I didn't sit down because there was a layer of snow on the bench.

"Is there a reason why you're here?" he asked with his eyes closed.

I thought over it briefly: I didn't really know _why _I chased after him when I knew he'd be alright. "Do I need a reason?" I asked a bit snobbishly. He didn't say anything, so I ended up standing there for about five minutes. Finally, I found the peace of mind to drag his ass to the nearest hotel. It was a real vintage looking hotel and pretty classy too, considering we weren't that far from the strip club. I bought us a single bedroom suite called the Red Room. I didn't really know what to expect, so when we finally made it to our room, I sauntered into what looked like something out of the Taj Mahal. Pretty exotic for two guys with nowhere to go, if you ask me.

Yukio plopped onto the bed and groaned, "I'm never letting you talk me into doing that again. That woman was so aggressive; I couldn't just sit there while she humped me in public—even in a strip club."

"She was probably trying to convert you," I joked, jumping onto the bed. "What if it were me? You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Climbing onto his lap, I started shaking my hips and moving my arms around all wild, "Unce unce unce unce unce!"

"Unce?" he repeated.

"It's like a techno beat with the deep bass and the cymbal strike," I explained.

"Rin," he started. I just kept on dancing like an idiot until I finally whacked his face with my elbow. He collapsed onto the bed and I leaned over to see if he was alright.

"Whoops, where did I hit you this time?" I asked with my arms flanked around his head. He didn't say anything, so I just kept on looking until his eyes met mine. It was sort of purple-ish blue in the red lighting; that's when I noticed the mark around his right eye. Rather than saying anything, I leaned in and rested my lips on the bruised area.

"What are you doing, Rin?" Yukio asked.

"I don't really know . . ." I said, traveling down a bit to slip my hand round the start of his trousers.

"Stop, Rin. Don't force yourself, " he said, pushing me back.

"I-I'm not!" I retorted.

"We don't need to sleep together to convince anyone," he replied, sitting up.

"This isn't about that!" I shouted.

He then grew real quiet and his face became serious, "What is it about?"

I shifted on the bed and steadied my eyes as if I were waiting for him to laugh and say he was only kidding, "I don't—I don't know!"I exclaimed. I nearly started crying. Why was he doing this?

"I made the mistake of crossing the boundaries of our business relationship," he said, pushing to his feet. "I'm sorry, Rin. I'll get myself another room so you'll have the bed to yourself tonight."

"Well, fuck you too!" I cried.

I never thought my world could flop and spiral into chaos so quickly, but it did. It's amazing how you could build an empire over a course of decades, only to see it fall to ruin in a night.


	6. Chapter 6

Ao no Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato.

* * *

><p><strong>Crazy Sunshine<br>**

Chapter 6

It wasn't long before I finally stopped choking on tears and lashing out at inanimate objects. I gave up and settled down on the bed to give my raw knuckles and swollen eyes a rest, but once I sought solace in the night, I couldn't abandon the starry blue. Her vastness thrilled and overwhelmed me, like arousal from asphyxiation. I wanted her to take me as I was, swallow me whole, and bring with her every weakness in my body. Every doubt, toil, and feeling I ever had for another would travel into the deep, only to be consumed and forgotten in space and time.

Soon enough, I confided in sleep.

The following day I stopped by at Shima's house to pick Kuro up. Apparently, Shima had forgotten all about it. I ended up standing outside his door for nearly an hour, ringing the doorbell and pounding my raw fists against the door of his flat. So when I finally thought to leave, he pried open the door and pulled me into a smoke filled chamber. The smell caught me by surprised; it was a thick, oily, herb-like, smell that had me squeezing my nostrils. I sure as hell didn't like it at first, but it grew on me. It wasn't long before I realized Shima had been blazing.

"You fucking bitch, you left me to stand outside so you could smoke a fat joint? I want my cat. Where's my fucking cat?"

"Your cat? You want your fucking cat? There's your fucking cat, Buddy!" he laughed, pointing to the fur-ball sprawled at the edge of the carpet.

"What the hell did you do to him?" I demanded, running over to Kuro.

Shima laughed obnoxiously. Everything was funny to this guy; I bet I could land a bone shattering punch to his face and he'd still think it was the funniest thing in the world.

Gently scooping Kuro in my arms, I padded back to the front entrance, but Shima had no intention of letting me go. "Move your fat ass, Shima."

"No, _you_, Mr. Fatty McFat Fat."

I didn't want to use force with Kuro in my arms, so I tried to push past him, but each time I moved he mirrored me like a goddamn mime. "You're getting on my last fucking nerve, Shima."

"Shima nerve fucking last my on getting you're," he replied. With that, he grinned and flung himself on me.

I quickly pivoted away and dropped Kuro on the couch. And just went I thought I had caught myself, he hung onto my trousers and pulled them down with him. "Shima!" I cried.

"Nice . . . ass—ets," he giggled as he sunk to the floor.

I clung to the back of the couch with one arm while trying to keep my pants up with the other, but the bastard's weight had me sinking with him. "Fer chrissake Shima, let go!" I held on steadfast until my arms began to tingle—eventually, the fucker brought me down with him.

He wrapped his legs round me and buried my face into his chest; goddamn did he smell. When I finally threw my head back for air, he pushed me onto my stomach and straddled my torso, slapping my ass as he gripped the back of my shirt and yelled, "Up giddy!"

"Get off me! You weigh a fucking ton!" No matter how I flailed or cursed, he pushed my face back into the floor and humped my ass like there was no tomorrow. I've never tasted humiliation like this; luckily the idiot was high, or else I would've spent less time flailing around and more time searching for something to make a noose out of. Of course he didn't let go until I started to mellow out myself. I staggered for a bit, buzzing in the head and feeling lighter and lighter as I searched for Kuro. Eventually, I blacked out.

I later woke to a sharp bang to my forehead. When the pain finally dulled, it took me a while to realize the fridge hadn't tipped over and that I was sprawled on the ground.

"Sorry Man, you okay? I didn't see you there," said Shima, peering down at me.

"What?" I mumbled, still clutching to my forehead.

"I opened the fridge and bumped your head. It doesn't look like it'll bruise, but it's pretty red. I'll help you up," he replied, holding out his hand.

I was too tired to insult him, so I took his hand and reached for a chair.

"Let me get that. You're probably really hungry, I'll get you lunch."

"Wait, what? Lunch?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's still the afternoon."

"I must've been out for more than an hour," I muttered.

"No, I opened a window and you came around shortly after that. It's not like you were drunk or anything, you just inhaled quite a bit of smoke."

"Oh," I replied vacantly.

"I'm sorry if did anything, um . . . weird. I can't remember much from the last hour, but I'm sure I did something stupid," he laughed, gathering ingredients from the fridge.

"I don't get guys like you."

"Guys like me?"

"Yeah. You have everything: money, parents, friends, girls, status—and you do shit like this for recreation."

"That's where you're wrong."

"Really?" I didn't believe him.

"Really. Stress is universal, Rin. To me, smoking is taking care of myself 'cause it relieves stress. There are many people, including me, who can function very well smoking chronic. People over analyze it, acting like it's a serious drug or something. Weed just makes you chill. You have to be irresponsible initially to let weed affect you in negative ways. So let's just agree to disagree."

I uttered a sigh.

"Anyway, do you want pancakes?"

And the rest of the afternoon slipped by as Shima sluggishly catered to me. We hardly exchanged words mostly because we were so tired. It wasn't until he finally asked if I'd like to visit Shiemi that a real conversation started flowing. At first I wasn't so sure, but he said he'd already arrange a double date with her and Izumo.

"Izumo? How the hell did you manage that? And I thought you weren't interested in Shiemi; you made it perfectly clear when you told me all about your dumb girl rating system."

"Business interests, Man. And Shiemi wouldn't go with me unless Kamiki went, so when I mentioned your name, Kamiki agreed right away." He sighed, leaning back in his seat, "She lit up like fucking New Years."

"So you volunteered me? That's what you're trying say."

"Yeah, basically. So do you wanna go?" he asked, lazily.

"Sure Shima, but why the hell did you smoke a fucking joint before planning to meet up with your so called 'business interest'?"

"I was nervous, okay?" he said, running his fingers through his hair.

"Like hell you were!"

"You don't believe me?" he asked—irked.

"Of course not you goddamn womanizer. What if she finds out that you were smoking before the date? You'll make us both look like asses!"

"I've opened all the windows and there's plenty of incense burning; I sprayed a lot of air freshener too, but it'll take a while before the smell completely dissipates. I was thinking maybe we could get ready at your place since it's on the way; it might help some with the smell."

I looked at him impatiently; it seemed like this guy was always asking for trouble, but I had already agreed to go. "Alright, c'mon," I sighed.

His eyes widened, "Really?"

"Yeah."

It didn't take me very long to shower and prep, but Shima took his goddamn time primping and checking himself out in the mirror.

"Man, what a fucking narcissist. I don't know any woman that takes nearly as long as you do," I said, leaning on the door frame. At that point, I actually was getting impatient.

"Hey, I may be a guy, but there's really no excuse to look like a cave creature. Women like men who take extra time to look good; it shows that they care enough to be presentable for their lady friends," he replied, rubbing Gatsby in his hair.

"Whatever. I got a date with minimal effort and my showers aren't even half as long as yours."

"It's not necessary to take as long as I do with a face like yours. You don't need to shave or use product on your skin; you might as well be a eunuch," he laughed.

I shoved him down beside the tub and slammed the door, holding it shut from the outside, "What was that? The only sound I hear is you squealing like a little bitch."

"Open the door, Rin! Open it so I can kick your ass!" Shima shouted, tugging from the other side.

I propped my right foot against the frame of the door for more support, but I could feel the bastard putting all his weight into the pull. So when I let go, the entire door popped out of the hinges. I stood there stunned, soaking in the moment. Shima on the other hand, shoved the door aside and leaned on one elbow while he felt his nose, wet with blood. I didn't know whether to laugh or be angry.

"You broke my fucking door," I muttered.

"And you broke my fucking nose!" he retorted.

"I was just horsing around, I didn't mean to-" and without even letting me finish, he pushed to his feet and punched a goddamn hole in my wall. My nose would also have been broken had I not shifted within the second. "Look, I'm sorry Shima. Calm down, alright?" I asked, quietly. You would've been scared shitless too if he were breathing against your face like a madman with blood spilling on his lips.

"I didn't smoke all that weed just so I could fuck around with you—I knew I shouldn't have brought you into this . . . what does she even see in _you_?"

"I'm fucking sorry, okay?" I exclaimed.

He got real quiet and backed up against the sink. "We're gonna have to call up the girls and tell them we can't make it."

I rode with Shima to the hospital and when we got to the Emergency Room, I told him I'd be in the cafeteria while he filled out the paperwork. After finishing up a few pork buns and a bottle of lichee soda, I thought of calling Yukio up before realizing I had forgotten my cell phone at home. So I cantered over to the pay phones and gave him a buzz. He didn't pick up right away, so I prepped myself while it rung: "Hey Man, I just wanted to say—Yukio, I think we were both—no, I think I'm . . ."

"You are?" came a familiar voice.

I slammed the phone against the receiver and stood there idly, "Fuck! Why did I hang up on him?" I looked over at the person on the last pay phone and apologized for the outburst. Suddenly, the phone rang and I picked up eagerly, "Hello?"

"Rin? It's Yukio. Did you call earlier?" he asked.

"Uh, maybe. Anyway, I-"

"Before you say anything, I have some news for you. I have a friend who's looking to hire skilled cooks for his new establishment. You may not have any professional experience or schooling under your belt, but we've done some talking and he's finally agreed to consider you if you're willing to start out as a chef's apprentice. I'll text you his number so you may decide, but please do it soon," he said rather proudly—like he was doing me a_ big_ favor.

"Why are you telling me this? I already have a job."

"Well, circumstances have changed and this may prove to be far more rewarding than your part time vocation. I got a call from a friend this morning and he said he wanted to fly me out to India for his wedding," said Yukio.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm planning to fly to America afterward."

"So you're not coming back to Japan?" I asked, a bit concerned.

"Not for a while. I've been offered plenty of jobs in America, and now that I'm eighteen, I can finally meet up with potential employers."

"Does your dad know about this?" I asked.

"No, he doesn't. He's too preoccupied with his work. By the time he realizes I'm gone, I'll be in America already."

"You're selfish, you know that?"

"Selfish?" he asked.

"Yeah, you praise your dad and ride his fucking dick until the tides turn and things are in your favor."

"He's a hard working citizen and that's all I've acknowledged. I never revered him, nor did I ever pursue his good favor. Everything I've accomplished, I've done on my own. I never needed his money or help to gain recognition," he replied sharply.

"Then what about me? If you really didn't give a fuck about your old man, why did you pull me into that stupid ordeal? You really are a faggot, aren't you?"

"It's funny that you're accusing me of such, considering what happened last night," he laughed.

"You know what? Fuck your future employers, fuck your friend, fuck your father, and fuck y-"

"1,200,000 yen, plus a starting salary of 342 U.S. dollars a week, and sponsorship for 11 months."

"Wait, what?"

"Counting your most recent paycheck, you've accumulated a total of 1,200,000 yen in the four months you've been working for me."

"1,200,000 fucking yen?"

"Yes, that translates to about 16,000 U.S. dollars. With that plus a growing salary and sponsorship, you can live pretty comfortably while you train under professionals in Las Vegas."

"The job's in America?"

"Yes, the job is in America. If only you let me finish, you would've-"

"Where are you flying to after the wedding?"

"New York."

"Oh . . ."

We trailed off for about a minute.

"Well, I should get going now," he said.

"Yukio?"

"Yeah?"

" You might wanna give Shiemi a call. I think she's free this evening."

" Oh . . . I see, will do."

I hung up and cantered back to the ER. Seeing that Shima was submitting his form, I waited far back where it was less crowded. When he finished, I waved to him and he sauntered over, looking overwhelmed. I didn't say anything to him mostly because I was thinking about what Yukio told me. My head swam with thoughts about him and the offer in America—it was actually enough to make my stomach turn. So I rushed over to the Mens' Room and stood in a stall with my hands on my knees and my head hanging over the toilet. I tried to hold the pork buns and soda in, but the thought of never seeing that smart ass again despite my decision forced it all out of me. I cleaned up and when I stepped out, I found Shima by the sinks. Rather than stopping to talk, I rinsed out my mouth and washed my hands. Once I finished, we didn't exchange words for a while, so I started out first and he followed after. I stopped before the doors of the ER and looked back at him, suppressing everything I felt—no one needed to see my ugly face all sallow and twisted with misery.

"Come here," Shima said.

I stared at him hard, balling my fists into a knuckle white grip.

"Rin . . ."

"Dont-"

He pulled me in and forced his arms round me as I struggled and cursed, but he wouldn't let go.

"Screw you, Shima—cut it out!" my vision blurred and my facade quickly gave out and my eyes began to water; it was just a big ol' mess. I don't know how long I stood there, hanging my head low while Shima tried to comfort me—I just knew we were there until he was finally called by a medical assistant. Instead of waiting on him like a puffy-eyed fool, I went to the convenience store down the street to buy a pack of smokes. I sat on the curb of the parking lot and noticed that I didn't have a light, so while I dug through my pockets and cursed, someone flipped one out before me.

"Thanks," I said, leaning in with the cigarette in my mouth to catch the flame.

"You waitin' on someone?"

I nodded and looked up. Rubbing my eyes of the last bit dampness, I realized it was Bon. "Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Nothin' in particular. Just stopped by 'cause I was in the neighborhood. You?"

"I'm waiting on Shima while he gets his nose looked at. I broke his nose on accident while we were horsing around earlier," I said, offering him a cigarette.

He laughed, taking the straight as I leaned in to light it with the burning end of mine. "Sounds like you two have been hitting it off pretty well. It's kinda strange how quickly he's warmed up to you."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"I grew up with Shima, so I know when he's faking all that unconditional kindness. But with you, I can tell he's not bullshitting because he knows you're a good person."

"Ah, you think I'm a good person?" I teased.

"Of course I do," he replied, getting red in the face. "After what you pulled yesterday, I can't thank you enough."

"There's no need to thank me," I said, looking out at the orange horizon.

"If you're ever in need of a favor, just ask."

I mulled over it for a bit, careful not to look at him when I asked: "What were you doing before I helped you?"

He paused as though I had struck a chord, then sighed and propped an arm on his knee as he flicked his cigarette of the ashes that gathered at the end. "I suppose I do owe it to you since you saved my life and all, but it ain't worth risking your life over. So just forget about it," he finally said, pushing to his feet.

"You're in trouble, aren't you?" I replied, sternly.

Without looking at me, he dropped the straight and stepped on it,"You're too damn perceptive y'know that? Just forget it."

"That's fucked up, Bon."

He lingered for a moment then motioned me to follow him, "Fine. Let's talk about this over dinner."

We stopped at a small udon stand and ordered two meals to go. After receiving our food, we made way to a local park.

"Man, I haven't had udon noodles in so long!" Bon exclaimed as we situated ourselves at a well lit bench. It had already gotten dark by the time we got there.

I sat quietly, slurping on my noodles as I waited for Bon to stop bullshitting me. He munched happily on his meal 'til he noticed how quiet I had been since our meeting at the convenience store.

"What?" I asked. He had been staring.

"I was just wondering if you had a girlfriend. You seem like the type."

"Not anymore," I laughed.

"Why are you still single?" asked Bon. He seemed a bit incredulous and that confused me.

"Because that much alcohol generally kills people."

He paused as though he needed time to register the joke, but really, I could tell he was just trying to keep the noodles in. "Man, I'll have to keep that one in mind the next time some asshole asks me why I'm still single." He suddenly grew quiet. "I was on assignment yesterday."

"What?"

"I push marijuana."

"I see," I laughed. That explained where Shima got his weed.

"Anyway, a group of guys got a hold of a pound of our product. My superiors were told that they weren't armed, so when I went to check it out those scumbags you encountered yesterday jumped me. They may have been carrying, but luckily they held off long enough for you to pass by."

I face palmed and sighed deeply, "Why weed, Bon? Why not get a job that won't get you arrested or better yet,_ killed_?"

"There's a whole lot of people out there who'd gamble life and limb just to alter their consciousness. With generations of consumers like that, there's quite a bit of money to be made."

"Wow, you greedy slut. Is that how you afford maintenance for your goddamn BMW?

"What? Rin, I'm not doing this because I enjoy spending money; my father has cancer and without an inheritance, we don't have much to fall back on. My mom cleans shit for a living and I can't allow her to spend the rest of her life working for dumb ass mofos."

"And all this time I just thought you were an insufferable douche bag. You're amazing, you know that?"

"Thanks?" Bon laughed. "But I'm not anymore amazing than you are. You stick your neck out for insufferable douche bags. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really am sorry for the way I've treated you, Rin. With all the shit that's been happening, I've become a bitter asshole. Not that I'm trying to justify my behavior or anything."

"It's alright."

We went silent for some time before Bon started again.

"Something's bothering you. Mind telling me what's up now that I've disclosed every damn skeleton in my closet?"

I chuckled and trailed off before starting again, "It's about Yukio. He's leaving Japan."

"What? Why?" Bon exclaimed a bit passionately.

"I dunno," though Yukio did explain his reasons for going, I felt as though that wasn't the whole truth. He was always hiding something and now it seemed like I was the one he was hiding from. Or perhaps his situation wasn't all too different from Bon's; the whole self-imposed predicament part that is.

"What was he to you, Rin?"

His question surprised me—it made my face hot and my vision blur. At some point, I started crying again and I didn't know why. I was always crying when it came to Yukio; he was really starting to become a bother.

"Tell you what Rin: the next time I see Yukio, I'll punch him in the face for you. How's that sound?"

I laughed through the wetness gathering my eyes, "Well, I appreciate the sentiment for what it's worth." After I managed to get my shit together we walked back to the hospital. When we got to the entrance, Shima was already waiting on us.

"Why are you two together?" he asked, putting out his cigarette with his shoe.

"We met up along the way. Anyway, what did the doctor say?" I asked.

"Doctor said I don't need any treatment other than rest and being careful not to bump my nose," Shima replied.

"Oh, that's good . . . Well, I should get going. I don't wanna leave Kuro at home alone for too long. And I'm really sorry about your nose, Shima. If you want to be reimbursed-"

"Forget it, Rin. It's okay. And if you want, I can drop you off at home since you're on the way."

"Okay, thanks."

After that night, Bon, Shima, and I hung out pretty often. I also made amends with Izumo and received a second chance. We started dating off and on, but after a while it became serious and we dated for about six months until well near graduation. A few weeks before the ceremony, we decided to have an early celebration of our own at her house since her parents were gone for the weekend. The night started out with reruns of our favorite television shows, followed by tons of movies, junk food, snacking, and then finally a few drinks to set the mood.

"Say Rin, would you do me a _big_ favor?" asked Izumo, emphasizing the word 'big' with an arm spreading motion, followed by her collapsing onto the floor with a giggle.

I hovered over her and kissed her on the forehead, "Anything you'd like, Babe."

"Wear my dress," she grinned, peeling the off the flimsy white garment.

I paused and laughed at the request before finally removing my shirt and jerking the dress on. Flanking both hands round her head, I hovered over and pecked her on the mouth. "There, you happy? Just don't get angry if it stretches."

"You look good in white."

She wasn't the first person to tell me that. I frowned at the memory of that drunken night at Mr. Okumura's house, but dismissed the thought just as quickly as I recalled it.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about how I've never actually seen you in your underwear," I chuckled.

She reddened in the face and covered herself. Rather than awkwardly hovering there, I nudged the hand covering her chest and kissed it until she relaxed. Wedging my nose under the bridge of her bra, I pushed it up until the cups sat just above her breasts. They were perky and small enough to fit in my hands. I looked to her and she bit her lip, returning a shy expression. Uncertainty weighed on my mind, but I pushed it to the side for the time being and continued to kiss her sternum before slowly working down her stomach and just around the lacy trim of her underwear.

"Cute," I breathed, pecking her hip. She shivered under me and let out a tiny squeak, so I stopped and noticed her shaking slightly. "You're trembling. Are you scared?" I asked, softly. That was something Yukio said to me once. I dunno why I felt so confident now. Maybe it had something to do with never being challenged by him ever again. Maybe I was just becoming a man. In many ways though, I still felt immature as ever. Not like I was troubled by physical inadequacies or anything; I just didn't feel like I was the man Izumo deserved. She had changed a lot over the year both physically and as a person. In fact, she was a goddamn swan now and I didn't want to drag her down with me because I still had tons of baggage to deal with.

"Rin?" Izumo looked at me knowingly, so I smiled back and continued pulling down her panties past her little dark curls. For a moment, my eyes roved over her naked figure: smooth, milky white, and slender. I bit my lip and thought about how sexy she looked until I suddenly pictured Yukio under me. I frowned at the thought and pulled away. That goddamn Yukio was a boner killer even when he wasn't around.

Izumo sat up and asked me what was wrong, and rather than responding, I pushed to my feet and removed her dress. I couldn't just tell her I stopped because I pictured myself doing Yukio! It's not necessarily all that normal to think of your best friend while getting frisky with your girl. So I got dressed and told Izumo I'd call her the next day. I never did call her though because I didn't know what to tell her. What's worse is I even avoided her at school. I didn't want to lie to Izumo since I really did respect her, but there was no way I'd disclose the truth. And no matter how I tried to masturbate with the image of her in mind, my thoughts would slowly wander to Yukio. Every fucking time. I quickly grew agitated and sleepless as time progressed until finally she confronted me a few days before graduation. I didn't know what else to say, so I broke up with her. I know it was a shitty thing to do since it was around an important time of the year, but I tried to hold it off for as long as I could. And the longer I held it off, the more it felt like I was lying to her. She really didn't take it too well. It was actually so bad that I ended up making an enemy out of Shiemi.

After graduation, I had no where to go while everyone else celebrated, so Shima offered to let me spend the night at his place while Kuro stayed at the local Veterinary Hospital. He had gotten pretty ill right around the time Izumo and I broke up. As for Bon, he was planning to go on a senior trip with most of the graduating class.

"Do you even know where they're taking you?" I asked Bon outside of the gymnasium.

"I dunno, does it matter?"

"Guess not," I shrugged.

"I heard about you and Izumo by the way."

"Yeah . . . I really fucked up big time," I replied, kicking my feet against the concrete.

"Eh, we all fuck up at some point or another. You at least broke up in person, right?"

"Of course I did! I'm not a fucking prick!" I retorted.

"Calm down. I was just wondering why it got so messy, but when you think about it, there's really no good way to do it. Just don't be a dick about it if she was good to you."

"I know, I know," I replied.

"Anyway, I heard you're staying over at Shima's tonight."

"Yeah, and what of it?" I asked a bit irritably.

"I don't think you should go."

I paused and looked at him curiously, "Why not?"

"Shima's been acting strange lately. He's been rather cautious and eloquent this week. Something's definitely bothering him."

"You're his best friend, why don't you just ask him?" I inquired, absentmindedly picking the fabric from my worn out slacks.

"That's the thing—he won't tell me."

"Well, _he_ invited me so it can't be that big of a deal. I'll keep quiet about it if you're really that concern about him flipping tables."

"Shima _smash_!" Bon joked in his best Hulk impression.

I laughed and patted his back when Shima turned the corner, "I gotta go, man. See ya around."

"See ya."

"What were you guys talking about?" Shima asked once Bon entered one of the buses reserved for the Senior Retreat.

"I was betting on how he won't get any ass during his trip," I laughed.

"Huh. Well, let's go then."

We stopped at burger joint and a convenience store to stock up on snacks for our midnight gaming session and movie extravaganza. Once we got to his flat, I was relieved the place smelled nothing like it did the last time I visited.

"I see you do know the meaning of restraint. I'm surprised you didn't smoke a joint before graduation," I joked, slapping his back.

"Har har, very funny. I'm gonna take a shower first. You can take one too if you want; the towels are already in the bathroom."

"M'kay. I'll just sit here 'til your finished," I replied, plopping onto one of the designer couches. With that, Shima left me to bide my time. Rather than poking round his house, I decided to mull over the graduation ceremony. Yukio hadn't attended despite not yet having left the country. I had seen him around the school campus a few times, but never in the Lit. Club. And now that Izumo and Shiemi hated my guts, I had the little room to myself for the remainder of the year.

"I wonder if there's anything on," I muttered to myself as I flipped on the television set. Mulling over those things made me a little depressed. So I sat there for about an hour until Shima finally came back. "Took you long enough. What the hell were you doing in there anyway? Primping? It's not like I'm you're fucking date," I joked, switching off the TV.

"Ah shit, and I spent all that time getting pretty for you," he laughed.

"Whatever, man."

After cleaning up for the evening, I cantered into Shima's room with nothing but a towel round my neck. "Can I borrow some of your clothes? I forgot to pack some and I really don't want to run down the street to get any."

"Goddamn, you're lazy," he replied, without turning away from his PC. After some time, he finally noticed my reflection in the screen and cocked his head around to look at me.

"What?" I asked.

He broke into a fit of laughter and nearly fell out of his chair, "Damn you're junk is small! Is that why you didn't get laid?"

"Shut up! It's cold!" I retorted, covering myself.

"Come on, it's not _that_ cold."

"Are you gonna be an asshole or are you gonna let me borrow some clothes?" I said, trying not to get red in the face.

Before Shima could answer, my phone rang. I shuffled over to my bag and retrieved it. Glancing at the number, I realized it was Yukio. "H-hello?" I stammered.

Shima looked curiously over to me, but remained in his seat.

"Hey, Rin. I just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?"

"Splendid. I'm just about ready to kick back and relax now that graduation's over. I'm pretty sure I didn't see you there . . ." I said, trailing off.

"I wasn't present at the ceremony because my flight for India is today."

"Today? Why didn't you tell anyone?" I asked—real eager. I guess what I really meant to say was, "Why didn't you tell _me_?" but I didn't ask that. I just mulled over it until it drove me mad.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make a commotion with graduation already in course and all."

I grew quiet as I bit back every rude remark that flooded my mind. I wanted to curse him senseless for being so distant and secretive, but I wasn't in any position to. So I forced out the corniest thing I could come up with, "Alright. Well, have a safe flight then."

"Hold on, Rin."

"What's up?" I asked.

"I want to see you one last time. I know it's selfish of me to ask on such short notice, but-"

"I'll come! Just give me a moment to put some clothes on!" I exclaimed.

He chuckled at that, "I'll come by your house. See you in a little bit, Rin."

"Where are you going?" Shima asked.

"To see Yukio! He's leaving today so I have to see him off!" I replied in a huff.

As I tugged on my trousers, Shima quickly pushed to his feet and blocked the entrance.

"What the hell are you doing, Man? I gotta go! Yukio's waiting for me!" I exclaimed, after throwing on the shirt I had on from earlier today.

And without any hesitation, he punched me. The world flopped to the side as I fell down and stared incredulously at my reflection in the mirror propped against the wall. Blood ran down my face side ways in a thick stream of arterial red. The first thing that came to mind wasn't the fact that Shima had fucking hit me, but the look on my face. It was a morbid expression that lingered until I came to terms with what had just happened. At that point, I was furious.

"What the fuck was that for?" I demanded, ready to go blitzkrieg mode on Shima if he didn't start explaining himself. But rather than speaking, he responded with a sharp stomp to my gut. I'm pretty sure I blacked out at that point since I don't remember how the hell I went from the foot of the door to his bed. Though, I probably wasn't unconscious for that long since my nose was still bleeding when I woke up. "Shima?" I called out groggily. "Why the hell am I naked?" Suddenly, he appeared at the edge of the bed with a glass of water and a damp towel. He helped me upright 'cause for some reason, it felt as though I had ran a fucking marathon. After cleaning my mouth and nose, he spilled like half of the goddamn water on me as he practically forced it down my throat. I wiped away the fluid trickling down my chin with the back of my hand and just as I opened my mouth to ask him what the hell was going on, he pushed me down against the bed and stuck his tongue in my mouth. No matter how much I struggled or fought, there was no way I could rival his weight and his strength.

So I bit down hard. He pulled away immediately, bringing his fingers to his bleeding mouth. I took that moment to try and scramble off the bed, but he jerked me back in place and back handed me so hard that I nearly fell off the bed. I spat out blood and felt my throbbing mouth as I laid on my stomach in disbelief. While I took a moment to recover, Shima hooked the towel round my neck and forced my legs apart. I coughed and clawed at the towel until he shoved his fingers inside me. Crying out in pain and then gasping hoarsely, Shima continued to thrust his fingers as he choked me. My muscles tightened from the penetration and asphyxiation, but just as my vision began to darken, he pulled the towel away and forced my ass up into the air. He went on to give me the reach around, pumping my flaccid cock until I got a hard on. I moaned and writhed as he touched my genitals and rubbed my ass with his erection. And when I finally caught my breath, I began to sob and convulse as Shima proceeded to stretch me out and jack me off. After I ejaculated prematurely, he finally penetrated me with his cock until I came again. That's when he flipped me over and thrusted and gave a guttural groan while I sobbed and muttered incoherent pleas beneath him. I nearly passed out a second time from asphyxiation, but he made sure I stayed awake long enough to hear what he had to say before coming inside me.

"This is for me, but it's mostly for her."


	7. Chapter 7

Ao no Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato

* * *

><p><strong>Crazy Sunshine<br>**

Chapter 7

People generally do one thing when something goes terribly wrong: run. Kids run to their parents when they fall down or need guidance, troubled alcoholics flee to places with more booze, people scatter when there's a shoot out, and then there's that one guy who just keeps on running. I didn't want to be that guy. I just wanted move on, but I didn't want to ignore my problems. If my insurance didn't cover counseling or medication, then I'd get an extra job or two. If I had to commit to a gym membership or join a sports team just to release my endorphins, then I'd buckle down and work my skinny ass off until I suffered my first stroke. Even if it meant working multiple jobs just to occupy my mind, I'd work graveyard and overtime for the rest of my miserable life. I'd do it all, but I didn't know where to begin. That seemed to be the hardest part. For most people, they just get going and suffer partway or near the end. But for me, it's always about the beginning.

I should have dreamed of the labyrinth that night. Having had the same exact dream over a long period time, I knew when to expect it. Whenever I felt disturbed or scared, I burned in that fire like a cadaver. It always felt like some sort of spiritual cleansing because I'd wake the next day no longer burdened by the events from the previous night. So I knew—something would happen, but it wouldn't be good.

The room was freezing cold. I could see my breaths each time I exhaled and the hairs on my arms stood up. There was total silence. No wind, no traffic, no rustling leaves; just complete silence. It took some time before my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and once they did, I realized I was at home. I pressed on through the threshold until I came across the living room fireplace. There was an energy to the spot like something had drawn me to it. Squatting down, I dipped my fingers in the charcoal black soot and drew a cross on the slab of concrete lining the hearth. It didn't look right because I had drawn the horizontal line too far below the point where it should have been; it was almost as if it were upside down.

Suddenly the floorboards began to rattle beneath me. I ran for cover, convinced there was an earthquake, but then I noticed a shapeless dark mass drifting towards me from down the hall. Before, I could clearly see a stream of moonlight seeping from the room I had initially been in, but now, it was pitch black. I froze, literally unable to react with words. For the first time ever, fear overrode my ability to even make a sound.

The black mass was surely a few body lengths away when I finally pulled out of the trance and ran for the door, but the damn thing wouldn't open. I tried kicking it down and ramming my shoulder against it until I panicked and opted for another exit. I recklessly skidded across the kitchen counter and kicked out the window overlooking the sink. I damn near broke my ankle when I leaped out into the field. After recovering as fast as I could, I pushed to my feet and made a run for it. When my legs were finally threatening to give out from under me, I turned around to see if I had been followed. In the distance, I could see that the house was still and the night was quiet. I didn't dare go back. Instead, I pressed on through the open field until the house was out of sight.

It was all so lucid—the visuals, the sounds, the pain, the fear; it felt so real. It was powdered in emotion. I knew firsthand what it was like to be scared in your own home and that dream served as a reminder. You constantly worry about someone in the house hurting you, so you lose sleep over it because you're afraid they'll come to you in the middle of the night while everyone else pretends to sleep. Or when you're the only other person in the house and you're not allowed to go anywhere, you hide, hoping they're too wasted or just not in the mood to pull you out from under the bed. You know better than to hide there, but you're too scared to leave your room. You'll get in even more trouble if you try to hide anywhere else.

I wasn't sure what would've happened if I had stayed in that nightmare house. I didn't want to know, so I thought of a box and locked that memory deep inside. I've never opened it since.

School had finally ended and because the seniors were released a week earlier than everyone else, most spent the last day celebrating. Bon wanted me to eat sukiyaki with him because we hardly had any time to hang out with all the final exams going on at the end of the year, but even when I did have a few hours to spare, I avoided him completely. I didn't want to believe that I couldn't trust Bon, but I felt uncertain about everything. I wouldn't let myself become vulnerable ever again.

I was on my way home as usual, cutting through an alley to avoid foot traffic, when Bon suddenly stepped out from behind a dumpster and caught me by the collar.

"What the fuck?" I yelled. He really startled me, but I wasn't scared.

"Why the hell have you been ignoring me?" he demanded as he released me.

I took a step back and looked off to the side like he'd gone mad: "I dunno what you're talking about."

"Don't bullshit me, Rin. That's all you've been doing since graduation."

He didn't understand and I didn't expect him to, but it was beginning to piss me off. In fact, I was so irked that I had to walk away until he caught me by the arm. "Get your fucking hands off me," I snapped.

"I'm not scared of you—you run away from your problems and the people who care about you."

I relaxed and sighed, slipping my arm from his grip until he clutched my hand. Just when he thought I had admitted defeat, I pivoted to the right and jerked him towards me by the wrist, following it up with a sharp backhand to the face. He fell back stunned, landing flat on his ass. When he finally reached for his cheek it was already bright red.

"I wasn't fucking around when I told you to let go," I said lowly.

He suddenly lunged at me from his grounded position and tackled me to the floor. It damn near knocked the wind outta me when we hit the ground because I made impact first and Bon followed after, crushing me with about two-hundred pounds of force. We grappled a bit, getting in a few punches here and there, until I mustered my strength into a headbutt. It met his mouth, sending a jolt of pain to my forehead. I quickly regretted it because it was literally like getting hit by a 2x4, but it was too late to do anything else. I fell back and clutched my forehead as Bon stumbled in the other direction. We must have looked really stupid then, lying there like two assholes trying to catch our breaths after a candy ass brawl.

"What the hell are we doing, Rin? Why are we fighting?" Bon panted.

"You tell me you crazy motherfucker."

We went silent for a moment, letting our heads cool as we trained our hard gazes on each other.

"Not gonna lie Rin—you look like absolute shit right now," he spat out blood and wiped it away with a smug grin on his face.

"I could say the same for your ugly ass," I laughed.

"Fuck you!"

It took some time, but once I was sure I could see straight, I pushed to my feet and offered Bon my hand. After heaving him to his feet, I offered to make him dinner and tend to his wounds. We had Sukiyaki, but apparently that wouldn't suffice as an apology.

"Are you still angry about me bitch slapping you? I said I was sorry."

"Fuck off, Rin. You know why I'm mad."

"Well, if Sukiyaki won't change your mind then I know a certain sudsy cure-all that'll help loosen that tight ass up."

I got up from the couch and sauntered over to the kitchen to retrieve two chilly drinking glasses along with two bottles of Kirin Ichiban from the ice box.

"Where the hell did you get that? You're not old enough to drink," asked Bon.

"The store—duh," I replied, setting down the glasses on the table. I snapped open the beer with the handle of a drawer and poured them carefully into the glassware before handing one off to Bon. He took the glass reluctantly, but held it up anyway.

"Cheers."

We toasted and drank ourselves silly. At least _I _did anyway. I woke up pretty damn early the next morning, feeling like a bag shit. I've never gotten so hammered that I woke up with a hangover, so I called the only person who probably knew more about it.

"Bon! I'm fucking wrecked, man—what do I do?"

"Go back to sleep, Rin. It's five in the goddamn morning."

"But I'm nauseous and my throat is dry," I whined.

"Just drink some water and go back to sleep. And take some alka-seltzer or paracetamol while you're at it. I'm hanging up now."

"Wait! Para-what?"

He hung up and I groaned into my pillow. I didn't have whatever the hell he was talking about, so I pulled on my sweats and a jacket and headed out to the convenience store a couple blocks down the street. I knew the guy who manned the place because he and I worked together packaging food for an airline until Japan slid into recession. That was my first job before I started working as a cook. And ever since he started manning the store, I came by frequently for doughnuts and coffee after work. You'd think I'd get tired of the same thing everyday, but after a while, his coffee made everything else taste like piss.

"Hey, Kyodo." I said, shaking hands with the clerk.

"For the love of—what the hell happened to you this time?"

"I got shit-faced last night."

"I can see that, but what happen to your fucking face? Did you get into another fight?"

"No, I fell down the stairs," I replied—real sarcastic.

He smacked my head and frowned; "Don't give me that shit, smartass. Seriously, one of these days you're gonna regret fighting. Don't do it if you don't have to."

I got quiet and looked down at my shoes.

"Anyway, is that bum who hangs around here buying beer for you again? I told that asshole he could stay if he promised not to do that anymore. People probably think I sell booze to kids," Kyodo groaned.

I laughed weakly and suddenly everything started to spin. My legs became shaky and I soon doubled over.

I woke up in Kyodo's place a little while later. The blaring white of the stucco ceiling hurt to look at, so I turned towards the back of the couch and mashed my face into the soft black leather.

"Hey man, you awake?" I heard from above.

"Huh?" I croaked, feeling the intense burn in my head.

"Here—take some of this," he said, handing me a glass of water and some medicine. I popped in the pills and chugged the water like I'd been trekking the Sahara.

"I made you some rice porridge and bought plenty of 7up. I think you've got the 24 hour flu."

I groaned in response and settled back onto the couch, pulling the comforters over me.

"Here's the controller. You can play games or watch anime on the browser. It's finally working again."

"Where are you going?" I uttered wearily.

"I need to call in someone to take over the store."

And for the rest of the weekend I laid around all day on the couch and watched trashy television with Kyodo. He was right about me having the 24 hour flu; I was well rested and ready to start working again the following week. It was nice being able to sleep in without worrying about work or avoiding people. That was until Bon called me up after my evening shift. He wanted to meet up at a fast food place to talk. I was reluctant with it being so dark out, but he offered to pay for my meal.

It was pretty late when I got there. I poked fun as usual, making shitty jokes just to get a laugh outta him, but the graveness on his face damn well put me in my place. We bought our food together without exchanging any words and when we returned to our seats far off in the corner, I made a few more futile attempts to lighten the mood when I knew I really shouldn't have.

"Ah, nothing like a romantic night out at Freckle Bitches."

"Rin, do you remember the day of our fight?"

"Of course I do. I still have all my goddamn bruises," I grunted, pointing them out.

"That's not what I meant. Do you remember what you told me after we started drinking?"

I went silent, carefully watching his face. He really was being serious; "We didn't do anything gay, did we? Listen, I-"

"No,_ you _listen! That night when you were drunk, you told me something seriously fucked up and I can't just sit here and pretend it didn't happen! Maybe you don't remember it, but I sure as hell do!"

"Stop yelling, Bon. I'm sitting a fucking foot away from you," I said irritably.

We both looked over at the employees peering back at us.

Bon sighed heavily and lowered his voice, "Alright. Card's on the table, Rin: did Shima hurt you?"

I dropped the burger I was eating on my lap. "Fuck," I muttered. I eagerly wiped away the grease on the bottom of my jacket with a napkin, trying to prolong the endeavor, but I knew Bon's patience was wearing thin. I felt his hard stare on me as I got up to use the bathroom. He came in after me, watching as I attempted to wash away the grease stain. We were there for a while until I finally lost my temper.

"Stop staring at me!" I barked out, tugging my jacket off and slamming it into the sink.

"I'm waiting for an answer, Rin."

My eyes were beginning to water. I went back to trying to clean the jacket, scrubbing the goddamn thing as hard as I could. "It won't come out, it won't come out—why won't this fucking stain come out!"

Bon pulled my hands out from under the faucet when he noticed they had become bright red. I struggled, yelling at him to let go, but he held me steadfast until I gave up and started to cry.

"Holy shit, man. I just can't fucking believe it. I can't. Why Shima of all people?"

"I don't—I don't know."

"I mean, the guy has everything . . ."

"You don't believe me, do you?" I looked up at him and he grew quiet, averting his eyes. I pushed him away and back pedaled until I felt the wall against my back, "I fucking knew it. You wouldn't—of course not, you're his best friend."

"Rin, I never said that I didn't believe you."

"You didn't have to! Damn it, Bon. Why the hell would I lie about something like this? I don't ever intend on reporting it _because_ it's a fucking_ rape crime_! For fuck's sake, of all people I thought that maybe you'd understand!"

"Calm down, Rin. You're getting hysterical."

"Well shit, I was violently choked and fucked in the ass against my own will and the one person I thought I could trust doesn't believe me—I think you'd be angry too if it happened to you."

"Wait, he choked you?"

"Yeah, he did. The fucker took a towel to my neck before using his own hands. I even have the scars to prove it." I unbuttoned the collar of my uniform and revealed the pink skin.

"Oh my god." He reached out to me but I swatted his hand away.

"_Now_ you believe me . . . You know what? Just fuck it. Fuck it. I don't give a shit what you do, just don't bring it up ever again."

"Rin, " he swallowed hard and turned away to sit against the sink. "I'll take it with me to the grave."

Bon never brought it up again after that. I only wanted to leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on—but I couldn't. The paranoia and anger had already set in; all I did was suppress it. Many people overcome their demons by facing them, but for me, it just wasn't that simple. I'd have to make it out alive after a goddamn shitstorm to come out on top.

Life was alright for a while. I worked, ate, shit, pissed, masturbated, and continued that awful cycle well into the Fall. It was Halloween when I finally took some time off from my job. My co-workers asked me to join them for a test of courage at Aokigahara: a forest located at the base of Mt. Fuji. Naturally, I was hesitant because I'd heard stories of what went on in there. Even the government was reluctant to talk about it, but that was the point: to face my fears.

I went along anyway, thinking it'd be alright if I just dropped a text to Bon and Kyodo. I also brought along my cell phone, but little did I know, there was absolutely no reception at that damn forest. In fact, my phone completely gave out on me even though I had charged it before I left. Though, that wasn't what had me second guessing myself. At the mouth of the forest, there was an actual sign that read: "Think one more time. Please reach out for help." -Suicide Prevention Dept." I was so fucking spooked—I really wanted to back out and wait for them in the car, but I would be all by myself if I didn't go. So I said 'fuck it' and went in after them. And just as I started towards the group, in the corner of my eye I saw what looked like a guy crossing the parking lot. I even asked my co-workers if they invited someone else to verify what I'd seen, but they said it would be just us four. Sure it was creepy, but it was Halloween after all. It was likely that we wouldn't be the only ones there.

The place was literally a sea of trees. It was just so dense that even the moonlight couldn't penetrate the forest. I could immediately see how anyone could lose their bearings. And then there was that eerie silence to the place. No animals, no rustling of the trees, no wind, just complete and utter silence. On our way, the guys talked about how the Yakuza was rumored to dump bodies in the forest; they also mentioned how there were probably numerous suicide victims that have yet to be discovered. If there was a tent around, that meant the owner still hadn't been found. That made me sick to my stomach. I didn't want to come across a decaying corpse during my 'test of courage'.

"You guys, I can't do this. I'm gonna try to find a pay phone and see if I can get a cab back. Otherwise, I'll just wait at the car."

They were concerned about letting me go back by myself especially since we'd hiked a bit far through the forest's interior, but I wouldn't take no for an answer so I took off as fast as I could. I just kept running in the general direction I thought I had come from, doging trees and rocks. The sprint didn't last very long though. I collided into something head on and it left me seeing stars.

"Shit, man. That fucking hurt," I muttered to myself.

"Rin . . ."

I looked up after hearing my name called and like my dream, fear overrode my ability to voice the sheer terror I felt at that moment. It was Shima.

He reached out to me and I scrambled backwards in the direction I had been running from. I managed to push to my feet, but he caught me from behind. Rather than leaving an opening to injure him again, the bastard threw me face down to the ground and held me in a reverse wrist-lock. I kept struggling and twisting in his grip until he grabbed a fistful of my hair and slammed my face against the dirt. I screamed and convulsed and he did it again until I quieted down. My nose was busted and I could no longer see through my left eye.

"You should think twice about letting others know of your whereabouts. It might seem like a good idea, but it's also an invitation for misfortune."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, I guess you didn't realize that you sent your oh so convenient text to me, Renzo, rather than Ryuji. Why do you even have us under our first names anyway?"

"Why are you doing this?"

He smothered my face against the ground and gave a loud laugh. "You're all Izumo talks and thinks about. She even screamed your name when I went down on her for the first time and that really pissed me off. It replays in my mind and no amount of chronic can ease the pain of knowing that my woman loves another man—if I can even call you that. You shitted all over her and yet she still wants to be with you."

"You _fucked_ her?"

"She really got into it, pushing herself onto me when I ate her out. Virgin pussy tastes the sweetest, y'know? Oh wait, you walked out on her you fucking faggot piece of shit."

"You_ sonuvabitch_! I'll break your fucking neck!"

"Don't act like you care. You're a bullshitter, Rin. You always were."

I was shaking uncontrollably by then. He had gotten to me. I felt the guilt and regret crashing over me like a tsunami. It was my fault a rapist was with Izumo. If only I had just been honest and open, none of this would have happened. "I didn't mean for things to play out the way they did . . . I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry!" He responded with a reptilian grin and proceeded on with conviction. I paused and realized at once that I was probably going to die there. For the first time ever, I prayed to god. I asked: "Please God, don't let me die here. I just wanna see the sun come up again. Just one more day-just one more."

Shima wasted no time with second chances; he dragged me to a tree he had set up with a rope hanging off a thick limb. I kept on screaming until I eventually blacked out. At that point, I thought I was dead. Nothing but sheer darkness after a never ending nightmare. Man, what a way to go. And then images appeared within the void, rolling in and out of color and flickering like an old film. Memories I'd never known before suddenly came to me: I saw myself as a little tike playing on a tire swing while a kid with moles on his face cried on the ground because the swing had hit him. There was an old priest who came over and comforted him while I laughed maniacally like a little gremlin. That was definitely me, alright. As for the other two, I had an idea of who they might be, but that was impossible. I've never known Yukio nor my own father as a kid. So why did this obscure memory feel like my own? I pondered that briefly until the film came to an end and everything around me faded into black.

I woke up on the ground to a horrible smell like copper or some sort of ore and burnt flesh. For the first time, I could hear trees rustling and birds squawking in the foreground. When I rubbed my face with my hand, I felt something wet against my skin. My eyes began to burn so I tried rubbing them with the sleeve of my shirt; that was an action I'd soon come to regret. My vision was red when I finally opened up my eyes. I just kept blinking 'til I found a dry part of my shirt to clear up my sight. Then, I just knelt there, frozen as a dangerous clarity returned to me.

My palms and clothes were literally saturated in red. Panning the scene in a bit of a panic, I discovered trails laced in the same fluids. The dirt was broken in various places and some trees were charred or fallen over. I screamed and hastily got to my feet, and in the distance, I found a mutilated body. It was severely burned, the face was disfigured, the _neck was broken,_ and the organs were strewn around the tree it was lying against. I puked until I started dry heaving, and when I finally recovered, I shook violently at the horrifying sight. Still, out of morbid curiosity, I looked again to see if I could identify the body. Suddenly, I recognized the pink hair spattered in dirt and blood. I brought my trembling hand to my mouth and fell to my knees, gagging until I regained enough composure to leave the scene. When I turned back to take one last look, I understood at once what the dream from that night foretold: there was a massive upside down cross drawn in the victim's blood and Shima was at the center of it.


	8. Chapter 8

Ao No Exorcist (c) Kazue Kato

* * *

><p><em>Crazy Sunshine<em>

Chapter 8

I remember it so vividly now; the lofty white clouds rolling in from the north and the unforgiving rain that followed shortly after. My skin reddened and numbed from the biting cold, but I was too tired to be bothered with it. I proceeded through Aokigahara in heavy steps until I lost my footing and stumbled onto the muddy earth. It was nice, really. Lying there and dozing off to the lull of the elements: rain falling, trees rustling, thunder rumbling―a goddamn paradise in the midst of my hysteria.

As the morning bled into my vision, I swore Yukio was standing right there beside me. I reached out to him and he took my hand, drawing me into his arms. My heart opened up and I felt lighter. He was shining then like sunlight all around me.

Once I relaxed, a sudden bump to my head had me squinting. I wasn't in the forest anymore. Rubbing my forehead, I shifted in my seat and realized I was buckled inside a moving vehicle. I looked over to my right and saw that Kyodo was behind the wheel.

"What the hell's going on?" I asked. Suddenly recalling the bloodbath in Aokigahara, I quickly felt my face and clothes, realizing I was wrapped in a towel caked in reddish brown. "Shit . . ." I tilted my head back and kept my gaze on the grey fabric lining the roof of the car.

"Rin?" Kyodo asked. When I didn't answer, he gave my shoulder a small shove and repeated my name.

I didn't know how to respond to all the unpleasant things building up inside me. I've always been able to spring back whenever the shit hit the fan, but this time, I was immobilized. After crying and puking my guts out, I didn't even stop to analyze the situation. I just felt everything at once. The feelings weighing on me eventually became too much and I started screaming. It startled Kyodo, causing him to swerve into the other lane, but he quickly recovered and regained control over the car. When I was finished, I collapsed back into my seat and stared out the window. The sky was clearing up by then, but I could see another front slowly moving in the distance.

"For fuck's sake! If you wanna get us both killed, then by all means, scare the shit out of the driver," Kyodo said―real sarcastic. I didn't say anything and he continued, "Look kid, I realize that you're not exactly in the best shape right now, but you have to try and think rationally for your own sake. For both of us, actually."

I was already zoning out.

"I have a summer house out on the country side. You can stay there for a little while until we figure something out. I mean, if they let cannibals loose, then you'll be okay." He paused, realizing I wouldn't be too thrilled about being compared to a cannibal or reminded of the failing justice system. "I know. I'm awful at reassuring, but just trust me, okay?"

It was a rhetorical question. "What's going to happen to me?" I uttered quietly. I'd be fearful for my future soon enough; it just wasn't setting in yet.

"I . . . You know what? Don't worry about it; we'll figure it out."

"Why are you helping me?"

"It's a long story. Try to get some rest, kiddo. We've got a long drive ahead of us."

I looked to him and then to the vast stretch of forest and the cloudy back drop. I wasn't ready for answers yet, but I wanted solace. I wanted comfort, even if it came from a lie, but Kyodo couldn't even provide me with that. Drawing out a deep sigh, I eased back into my seat, adjusted the belt, and rested my head against the interior. Eventually, the sight of a rolling landscape lulled me into another deep sleep.

The sky was blazing gold when I later woke up. It was like the smoldering sun beating down on the Sahara at dusk. It must've been setting then. I had to keep one eye close because of the blinding light flooding through the windshield. I quickly flipped down the visor to block the light from my sensitive eyes and turned towards Kyodo. He had dark circles under his eyes like a panda. I let out a faint chuckle, but then a pang of guilt made my heart heavy at the sight of that weathered old fart. Why anybody would go as far as he did escaped me, but it's not liked he owed me answers. I decided against probing and concentrated on the road ahead.

"We're almost there. Just hang tight." I watched as we rolled past stretches of rice paddies, autumn trees, and a dark babbling brook. The area seemed primative, like we had traveled back to the feudal era.

We finally pulled up to this tall house nestled in the woodland; it had a steep thatched roof, the siding was dark and faded multiple shades of brown. It seemed so old a shift in the wind could knock it down. "Rin, stay here. I'll go warm up the bath." I nodded, turning my attention to the rest of the house―at least what I could see from where I was. The interior was nothing like the outside. The walls were painted a clean coat of eggshell white, and the bamboo flooring shined like it had been swept and mopped recently. Everything seemed in order and the traditional architecture had a modern flair to it. Trendy geometric shapes worked well with the old fashion style, mod cream cushions were placed around a tidy fire pit with a black cast iron cooking pot suspended from the ceiling, and dark panels paired with simple earthly pieces pulled the rooms together. It had this rustic charm that had me falling into a reverie; simple dream where I understood what was happening to me in a nutshell and all I had to think about was living for the next day.

"Rin! Bath's ready!" Kyodo's voice rang from the end of the hall. I patted my face and shooked my head of depressing thoughts and briskly headed to the bathroom. "Get in while it's still warm," he pointed out, setting a folded towel and change of clothes next to the ofuro tub. It was built like a wooden barrel and big enough to fit one person.

"Can I rinse off first?" I asked.

"Go ahead. There's soap and a bucket next to the tub," he said as he exited the room.

"Wait, is there anything on my back?" I asked, tugging off my shirt.

"I got it." As he wiped down my back with a damp, soapy wash cloth, I wondered if I should have said something. The only topics I could think of made me sick. "Don't think so hard," Kyodo noted upon noticing how quiet I had been. "Worry about taking care of yourself for now. Just take it one step at a time, man."

"I can't help it. What happened back there . . . I wouldn't want that to happen to you."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but my ex is more of a threat than you are and she's a tiny asian chick," he laughed.

"I don't get how you can joke about something like this. There's fucking blood everywhere and none of it belongs to me," my voice shook.

He turned me around, bracing my shoulders with both hands, "look at me, Rin. You're not a monster. There's a thing called self-preservation and it applies to all of us; the only thing that sets you apart from everyone else is your ability to preserve your life regardless of the threat. You could probably escape nuclear war unscathed. That's it. You don't harbor an untapped bloodlust or anything like that. So rest assured, everything will be alright."

"But . . . I have no right to take anyone's life," I said, looking off to the side. I didn't want to see the mix of blood, soap, and water running down the drain or the look in Kyodo's eyes. Did he really understand what he was saying?

"And you should go on believing that. Humans are a curious phenomenon. Survival is a biological imperative, yet we've constructed morals that guide our behavior. So biological doesn't always equal right. What happened back there is an exception to the rules society has collectively drawn out. The only life you have the right to end is your own, however, it's generally acceptable to break that rule in the case of self-defense. You have to decide if those rules apply to you, because ultimately, you are free."

I returned my gaze to Kyodo and for the first time, he averted his eyes. He had nothing else to say. I hunched over and pulled my knees to my chest. The death of a man would forever weigh on me, and quite possibly, the demise of several more for as long as harm comes my way. I trembled at the thought of it. "At least tell me why you're doing all of this . . ." I finally uttered.

"I swore to watch over you. Though I've slipped up a few times―I'm sorry, Rin."

"What are you talking about?" I asked curiously.

"You remember the incident that forced you to transfer high schools?"

"Yeah."

"It shouldn't have happened. I underestimated those boys and let them push you to retaliate . . ."

"How did you know about that?"

"At the time, I was seeing a woman from your school who could keep me informed. She wasn't a private investigator or anything, just a substitute teacher. "

I paused, registering it all, "who the hell are you?"

"Your father needed my help and I was more than willing to offer my assistance."

Suddenly I became far more attentive, "you knew him? How?"

"We were part of the same Monastery. I was trying to get my shit together and it was difficult at first, but your father never gave up on me. He had more faith in me than my own family did. Eventually it paid off because I've managed to stay clean and sober for years, that's why I wanted to return the favor and watch over you."

"Kyodo . . ."

"I'm sorry for keeping this from you."

I sighed and thoroughly rinsed off before stepping into the tub. "So what happens now?"

"You have two options: have your foster family petition you or get engaged to a U.S. Citizen and have them file a petition for a fiancé visa."

"Why America? Why not some other foreign country?"

"You need money and support. Plus, you're already familiar with the language and the culture."

"If I got married, we could just get divorce afterward. Guess that's better than tying my foster family down."

"Do you have somebody in mind?"

I relaxed in the warm water, "I sure do."

The next day I woke up around three in the afternoon. I spent about an hour lying in bed, seriously thinking about my decision to contact Yukio. Did I really want to get him involved? He had offer me a clean break from the mundane lifestyle I had been leading, yet I brushed it off thinking I had all the time in the world. Man, was that stupid.

I finally got off my ass when I had to pee. After a little maintenance, I made my way downstairs in heavy steps. Kyodo was reading a newspaper and sipping coffee.

"Why are you reading that? It's all bullshit and propagation of fear," I said, raising my nose a bit.

"So it seems, but not every story told in the newspaper is fictional or blown out of proportion. Sometimes, there's a shred of truth. Besides, I'm checking to see if an investigation's been launched in regard to your 'incident'. It'll help me gauge the amount of time we have to think things through."

"I see," I replied, walking over to the dark wooden table. There were fresh cut flowers in the center and fruit in a bowl. "You went out and bought flowers?"

"The lady who runs the fruit market gave those to me for free. I guess she wanted to get rid of them before they wilted." I pick a crisp kosui pear and sat in the seat next to him.

"I've been thinking about calling Yukio all night. It's not like I can just tell him what happened and hope he'll have sympathy for me. What should I do? Should I make something up? Or just tell him a white lie?"

"What would you tell him if you went with the white lie?"

"I'd tell him that I'm stupid and sorry for not accepting his offer to apprentice in America and that the only way I can live there is if he petitions me as his fiancé."

"Sure, that works. It'll take at least up to six months to get a visa. I'm not sure if we have that long, but we'll see. Maybe I can take time off and I can get you settled a neighboring country."

"That's it? Drain out resources in hiding until the paperwork's complete and fly my ass over there?"

"Yeah, what better choice is there? You have to do something unless you're okay with incarceration."

"I guess, but is it even safe to call him?"

"It doesn't look like anyone's reported anything related to the incident, so without an investigation being launched, we probably don't have to worry about our phones being traced. Just in case, I thought we'd drive a few towns over and make the call from a disposable phone. It's getting late though, so we should hang out for today and leave tomorrow morning. Do you want to go to the hot springs while we're here?"

"Only if we can eat first. I'm really hungry."

"Yeah, we can do that."

We had bbq squid that night. At the hot springs, I took my chance to ask a few questions that would really hit home. Settling next to him against the warm rock, I made sure there was about a feet between us before saying his name. "Kyodo . . ."

"Yes, Rin." He replied with his eyes close, neck deep in the steamy water.

"You said you knew my father. I want to know everything there is to know about him." It was quiet for a little while. We were the only ones there and everything was purple from the setting sun.

"Shiro was a powerful man. Though, he wasn't easily corrupted or seduced by the allures of power. His power lied mostly in his ability to resist things that change most men. Shiro was brilliant for that reason, however, his greatest downfall was his merciful heart. I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for him, but showing kindness to evil men was probably what killed him."

I finally turned toward Kyodo, "he was killed?"

Kyodo opened his eyes and hesitated, seeing the determination in my face; "I'm sorry, Rin. I thought you at least knew that much."

"No, I don't know shit about my own father. I was hoping you could enlighten me."

"While he was very honest and welcoming, I realized years after staying at the monastery that he was actually quite secretive. There's probably a lot I don't know, so besides little quirks, idiosyncrasies, physical traits, and basic stuff, I can't tell you much about his death or what led up to it. I spent a lot of time investigating it myself, but all the leads I've found led to dead ends."

My muscles tensed and my eyes began to water at the thought of my father's death being among the thousands of unsolved cases to be lost and forgotten. "Thanks Kyodo, for everything you've done. If I successfully make it to America, I'm going to build up my funds and seek out my brother. Maybe we can work together to bring our father's murderer to justice."

"Rin, about your brother . . ."

"What? You know something about him too?"

"He's . . . he's-"

"For fuck's sake, Kyodo. Don't hold out on me now!"

"When he was younger, he was in an accident . . . He suffered blunt force to the head which caused retrograde amnesia. He lost most of his long term memories prior to the trauma, and while he was being rehabilitated, your dad died and you two were separated."

I sighed, sinking deeper into the warm waters, "shit. Go on."

"He was adopted by a wealthy family while you were adopted into a middle class home. I couldn't watch over both of you simultaneously so I chose to stay closer to you, but with sheer luck, you two became very close in recent years."

"Wait, so I _know_ him? Why didn't you say anything!"

"I'm sorry, Rin. I shouldn't have told you a long time ago."

I was becoming hysterical, "I'm planning to leave Japan. Don't you think I'd like to know who my fucking brother is before permanently leaving the country?!"

"But Rin, he's not in Japan anymore."

"Then who-" at that moment, I realized the only person who fit the mold was someone I'd come to develop feelings for. Someone with whom a relationship would be unthinkable. It made my head spin, my stomach drop, and my body very heavy. I couldn't think straight. "You're kidding. No, no! Not Yukio! Fuck! Does he know?" I was splashing water and raising my voice hysterically.

"I don't know. You'll have to ask him tomorrow when you call."

"Fuck, Kyodo! You should've told me sooner!"

"I'm sorry, okay? Why is this such a big deal. Isn't it a good thing? Now you don't have to search for him. You can investigate your father's murder sooner and you don't have to accumulate funds. I'm sure Yukio's nice enough to cover most of it."

"You don't understand. It's a big fucking deal because we almost-" I stopped myself before I disclosed more than I needed to.

"What? You almost what?" Kyodo inquired, his expression hardening.

"Never mind. Forget it. I'm leaving." I started trudging out of the spring, clutching my damp towel around my waist.

We didn't speak much after that. Kyodo was mindful enough not to prod, and I was sharp enough to keep my mouth shut. I'd confront Yukio when we were alone, and the only way to assure that and possibly have a future is if I made the phone call and convinced Yukio to help me. I spent the night beating myself up for allowing my ex to sleep with a rapist, killing that same man, and almost fucking my goddamn brother. Man, how could I continue to screw up so badly? I wasn't even trying to fuck things up and it just spirals into chaos. Fuck. Me.

A knock sounded at the door: "Rin?"

"What?" I said still facing the wall in a curled position on the bed.

"I made some sweet green tea. It's decaf. Maybe it'll help you sleep."

"I'll pass." Kyodo was quiet for a little while, but I could sense he was still there with the bedroom door ajar.

"Look, whatever happened between you and Yukio is no one's business; but as someone who cares for both you, I think he'll have your back regardless. Blood brothers look out for each other, so don't worry about it too much." With that, he gently shut the door and left me alone for the rest of the night. I soon fell asleep after exhausting my brain from over thinking. We drove out to a bigger town popular with tourists. The most of the day was reserved for eating and dicking around, until we found a nice inn to spend the night at. Honestly, I was nervous as hell about calling Yukio. It had been a while since we last spoke and I wasn't sure if he'd be angry about blowing off his generous favor and then asking for an even bigger one.

I stayed up pretty late that night waiting for an appropriate time to call considering the differences in time zones. When I was sure the time was right, I took the disposable prepaid phone Kyodo bought for me and dialed the only number Yukio left behind. It rang several times, and just when I was about to give up, that familiar voice answered. "Hello?:

"Yukio? It's me, Rin."

"Rin? Rin! I'm glad you called. I was worried when I heard you'd decline the apprenticeship, but when I tried to contact you, there was an issue regarding the number. Did you get it changed?"

"Uh, something like that. Anyway, I'm calling to ask a favor and I know it's selfish of me to even try when you went through the trouble of getting me that apprenticeship, but-"

"What is it, Rin? I'll do whatever I can to help."

"I uh . . . I need you―I need you to petition me."

"You know I'd do anything to help you, but don't you have to be a family member to petition someone?"

"But we're-" _Right, he doesn't know._ I thought to myself. "No, you're right; but there's another solution."

"I'm listening."

"Well with the recent change in marriage laws, I was thinking we could-" Yukio started to laugh. I scrunched my nose, "Don't laugh at me, I'm being serious."

"I'm not laughing at you. I just find it funny that you'd ask something like this of me."

I assumed he was talking about the night I rejected him. "Look, I'm sorry about that. If you don't want to, just say 'no'. I'll understand."

"Rin, you didn't let me finish. While I find this is all rather unusual, you're my friend. I won't question you. I just want to help you. I'll talk to my lawyer and have him arrange the paperwork. "

I sighed in relief. "Thanks, Yukio. I really appreciate it, man."

"While that's sorted out, I'll keep you updated. Though, I need to be sure I can contact you. You have a phone number or an email I can reach you at?"

I looked over at Kyodo who hastily searched through his bag for a pen and paper. "Uh, hold on a sec." Kyodo scrawled a back up account that I parroted to Yukio over the phone.

"I'll contact you as soon as I hear from my lawyer. Take care, Rin."

I hung up and dropped to the floor. "Fuck. There has to be a more efficient way to communicate with him without seeming overly suspicious."

"That'll have to work for now. Meanwhile, we need to figure out if it's safe enough to stay here. You have about half a year to a year to wait things out, which should be okay if a report is never made. No investigations would allow you to stay here for a while, but even if one is started, forensic evidence takes at least six months to be processed and sent back to authorities from a lab so I'm confident we can stay here."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Kyodo."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, "it's all good. Just try to get some rest."


End file.
